#at least school was cancelled so i could get it done today

[spikeisawesome456]

.

[yesimwriting]

Hi there!

If you accept requests, could you write a Halloween themed fic about y/n, Billy and Stu?

Like them going out to choose their costumes and decorating Stu’s house for a party, stuff like that

Hope you are doing well! Thank you very much ☺️

A/n omg i loveee holiday fics and halloween <3

----

You're staring down an aisle of plastic faces etched into neon bases. The differences between them are superficial, just a variety of colors and two or three alternainge expressions. Nothing distinct enough to warrant this level of analysis and yet...

You decide on one from the top shelf. Orange with simple triangle eyes and a double toothed smile. A classic.

You place your chosen plastic pumpkin into the cart that's slowly but surely being filled up by Halloween decor that's only somewhat cheesy. Okay, to be fair, the contents of your pile range in their levels of cheesiness...but still, mostly non-cheesy and perfectly fitting for a classic Halloween, high school rager.

"Really?"

There's nothing about Billy's voice that's worth getting. No soft lilt to indicate teasing or harshness to imply actual judgement. It's the factualness of the statement that leaves you doubting your choice, even though nothing about this is that deep. "What?"

Billy lets out a partial sigh, irritated by the way that fondness pinches his chest. There's something soft about your question, like his opinion on your choice of decorations could actually crush you. It soothes that part of him that's always searching for a reason to believe that those around him are flighty. "You just--you spent so much time looking and then you picked the orange one."

Shrugging, you place a hand on the side of the cart. "I was deciding."

"You picked the poster child of pumpkins." A pointless stance for a pointless argument. You beam at him and Billy starts to feel a little less ridiculous for entertaining this.

Still smiling, you start, "Pumpkins have poster children?"

"Hey, sweetheart." Stu appears halfway down the aisle.

You blink, instinctually squeezing the side of the cart tighter in your shock. For someone so larger than life, Stu can move quietly when he wants to. "Stu." Carefully, and only somewhat halfheartedly, you try to shrug him off. "Did you at least find the cups?"

Stu lifts his free arm, showing you the plastic covered set of solo cups. "You give me a job, babe, I get it done."

Billy rolls his eyes, "Since when?"

Stu scoffs, fingers pressing into your upper arm a little more firmly. "Since Y/n asked." His hand shifts up and down your arm. "Maybe if you looked like her, I'd listen to you."

There's nothing inherently wrong with the gesture, but there's an undertone of stiffness in his touch. That paired with the way Stu's attention remains on Billy makes you feel a little more like a prop than equal participant in the conversation. Deciding to shake off the feeling, you poke Stu's side.

"Ouch." A sound that's forced out much too harshly. Stu retracts immediately, like he's in agony. "What? I was complimenting you."

You roll your eyes. "I barely touched you."

"I'm wounded." He makes a show of clutching his side. "Kiss it better?"

Billy sighs, shifting his attention towards you, "We can't take him anywhere."

You nod understandingly, "We really can't."

Stu scoffs, offended, "Fuck you guys."

"We're kidding." Your concession comes quicker than usual, but you really don' mind giving in to keep the peace right now.

Today has been fun in that simple way that people forget about around middle school. Stu had called last night and mentioned something about wanting to up his party game for Halloween and a few things about decorations. He insisted that he couldn't go with just Billy because Billy has the decorative taste of someone that's color blind. Even though that's the strangest insult you've ever heard, it made you laugh and you agreed to tag along to cancel out any potential color vision deficiency.

They picked you up the next morning, swinging by your usual coffee place before stopping by a grocery store and then finally, the Halloween pop up store.

"You can't be mad," you mumble, "I need your held defending my pumpkin." Stu blinks, a little too surprised and confused to know how he wants to react. You gesture towards the cart as if that should answer everything. "Billy called it basic."

"I said you spent a long time looking at different pumpkins just to pick the orange one."

Stu turns his head, giving you a look that makes it clear that he has no idea how you've been putting up with this. "It's a classic."

"Thank you."

Billy's eyebrows pinch together. He's aware that there are few things you could say that Stu would publicly disagree with, but there's nothing to oppose. "I didn't--" He sighs again, giving in, "You should get a friend."

You tilt your head slightly in a way that's hard to read. "I'm not eight." Even though your tone leans towards argumentative, you walk towards the shelf and grab another orange pumpkin. This one's eyes are ovals, not triangles, and its dark smile is more lopsided and smaller. A variant that sticks close to the source material. "Two does look better, though."

With the pumpkin debacle settled, Billy begins to push the cart forward. You and Stu remain about two steps ahead of it, pointing out different decorations from time to time, most of them unserious suggestions.

"What do I have to do to get you in this?"

That sentence, coming from Stu, is enough to make you scared to turn around. The only reason you eventually do is because you can't justify staring at the wall that's stocked with costume add ons--fangs of both the glow in the dark and regular variety, cellophane wings, horn and halo headbands. You're also painfully aware of the fact that the more you resist and fluster, the more Stu will commit to his bit.

So you force yourself to remain casual as you look behind you. He's holding up a prepackaged angel costume that makes you feel like you're offending some religion by just looking at it. A corset top, small, frilly skirt, and white fishnets. It's not so much that makes the costume feel like something that belongs on stage at a failing Vegas show, it's the material and the styling.

"Uh..." In a way, you're glad that he decided to make the joke about something so blatantly not an option, because there's no way he's serious. It makes joking back easier, a little safer. "...Have a roll of one's ready?"

He doesn't miss a beat, "Deal."

Now that sounded a lot more genuine. You blink, struggling to hold your ground. Instinctually, your attention flits towards Billy.

"You should've known what he'd do with a stripper joke."

It's only a partial out, but you appreciate it greatly, "I have no one to blame but myself."

Stu scoffs. "I'm not that predictable."

You and Billy exchange a look. Stu pouts, turning enough to hang the plastic packaging back on its metal hook.

Instead of reminding him that if anyone should be offended about that last joke it should be you, you decide to shift focus. Your attention falls on the consistently growing contents of the cart. It might be a little much, but Stu's house is large. You'd need this many things to make the whole space feel decorated.

"You think we're good or are we missing something?"

Billy tilts his head downwards, taking an unofficial inventory of the cart's contents. It's more for your sake than actual interest. "You didn't get the lights. The twinkly ones."

There's something about hearing Billy say the word twinkly that's more entertaining than it should be. You smile despite yourself. "Say twinkly again."

He glowers, "No."

Billy starts pushing the cart, nearly running over your toes. You bounce back quickly, holding onto the side of the cart like a little kid as you follow him forward. "Why not?"

"The way you asked."

Rude. "He's no fun."

Stu turns his head just enough to look back at the two of you, "Billy?" His hand latches onto the front of the cart. Now, all three of you are clinging to the shopping cart like pre-schoolers that use those plastic rings to stick together. "He's moody."

The comment is meant to dig at you. "I didn't say that."

You'd never say that. If anything, oversimplifying Billy like that is one of your pet peeves. He likes to come off as a little closed off, but it's not such a basic teenage boy thing on him. You've never said anything explaining your defensiveness...you don't even think you'd be able to put it into words, but with Billy, any pretext of angst feels like a type of shield.

"He's just above entertaining me now."

Billy's eyebrows draw together sharply. "Now?"

Reaching the end of the aisle, Billy starts to turn the cart. It's a little awkward to make it around the corner without anyone releasing the cart, but you manage. "We all have to out grow our friends at some point."

"Mhm," he hums dryly, "Especially the dramatic ones."

Eyes widening, you turn on your heels to glare at him. He keeps his head angled downwards, a few strands of hair falling forward to hide the brunt of his reaction. That doesn't stop you from seeing part of his smug smile. If Billy's casualness wasn't always welcomed, you'd likely be a little more annoyed.

"The you that corrected the barista that misheard my coffee order before I could would have never spoken to me like that."

"That was this morning."

You shrug off his response, deciding that a comment about simpler times would over extend the bit. You're in the right aisle now, anyway, shelves full of decorations that require hooks or nails or something else to keep them attached to the wall.

Stu wanders away from the cart, picking up a cardboard box that displays a picture of purple lightbulbs strung up on a suburban house. "These?"

You shake your head. "Too bright, I think they're meant for outside." Stepping towards the shelves, you pick up a rolled up cord of smaller, darker purple lights and another set of boxed lights. "You need... mood lighting."

The cord for the boxed ones are way too long for a living room or kitchen and the bulbs seem way too bright and project a harsh, unflattering orange in their picture. The label on the other set says that they alternate between dark blue and purple and the bulbs are shaped like stars. Definitely a winner.

You look up, ready to say as much, but the words cram their way back down your throat before you can. Stu's closer than you realized, a lot closer than you ever expected him to be.

"Mood lighting?" You know that dropping your head and backing away would only make this worse. Stu likes to know when he's getting something. "What's the exact mood?"

He's grasping at straws in an attempt to fluster you. While mood lighting may hint at something suggestive, it's obvious that you meant the kind of chill, dim lighting that makes people comfortable yet energized. Party lighting. You should say that, laugh off his proximity and his energy. But for whatever reason, you can't quite think.

You press your lips together. "Exact mood," you repeat, still a little unsure, "I had more of a general mood idea."

Stu takes a partial step forward before extending his hand. He takes the wound cord, gently pulling it from your fingers. Slowly, he undoes the thick twist tie holding the cord together. You watch, more curious than you'd like to admit as he unravels it. With no warning, Stu pulls the string of lights over your shoulders.

He takes his time adjusting the string of lights over your shoulders. "I get what you mean."

Warmth you don't get crawls up your neck. It has to be about looking weird in a secluded, but still public, aisle. You tilt your head, trying to ignore that feeling you can't name. "You're tangling them."

"They're fine," he dismisses easily, twisting a part of the cord between his fingers. "We'll get Billy to untangle them later."

You laugh at that. Stu frees you from the confines of the string lights. Billy throws a look at Stu as he halfheartedly rolls up the lights before dropping them in the cart.

"So I'm un-fun and the light de-tangler."

You walk towards him before Billy can fully start pushing the cart again. "I take it back." You reach forward and squeeze his forearm without thinking twice about it. "You're fun." Billy briefly stiffens, gaze trained on what's directly in front of him. "Sometimes."

Billy hates the wave of fondness that that's trying to crawl its way out of his chest. "Like when I'm untangling string lights?" It's meant to be sarcastic in that biting, casually detached way.

If the shift in tone bugs you, you give no indication of it as you smile at him. "And some other times."

[silly-moth-123]

Vent

(please ignore me I'm fine)

Aghhhh I was so excited for today but then everything went downhill. Literally all WEEK the excitement for today has been keeping me going. Everything I did was just "get through the day and then soon it'll be Wednesday"

The main reason I was excited was because my writing group was supposed to meet again for the first time in months, and also because it's my friend's birthday and I was excited to give my present to her.

But all week I've also been tormenting myself because I kinda accidentally gaslit myself into thinking my bf will be there in class. Technically it's not impossible, that is where we met, but given the current situation it's not all that likely. And I *know* he probably won't be there, I shouldn't get my hopes up, but telling myself he *won't* be there hurts and I don't like thinking about it

And now I'll probably be tormenting myself for a whole nother week because the group meeting got postponed.

And this morning my dad was asking about my bf and the current situation and like... Couldn't he tell I didn't want to think about it? Couldn't he tell from the fact that I was literally on the verge of tears that maybe this conversation was upsetting me?? I've been able to be ok about it a lot more recently, especially since now we can at least talk on the phone, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to talk about it so casually like it's just some event, the way you'd talk about the news

And then I had to walk through the hallway and pass by what used to be his locker and honestly I don't know how I managed to hold it together

Almost all of my friends were on a field trip today so I was alone at lunch too, so I just sat in the corner of the room and barely managed to get myself to eat lunch. And I didn't wanna cry in front of everyone there so I just cried as quietly as possible...

At least I was able to give my friend her birthday present, and that honestly went pretty well all things considered

But like. I spent ALL DAY moving forward through things and getting work done in classes because if I did, then I could go to my writing group. But ofc that got cancelled. Ofc.

I actually put effort into wearing something kinda nice today because I was so excited but now I guess that was for nothing

And like. The thing is. Okay, writing group got cancelled. So? That just makes today a NORMAL DAY. This is a regular afternoon now instead of one I was excited for, but it's not like it's a BAD afternoon. SO WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE THE WORST AFTERNOON EVER????

I thought I was done waiting but now I'm gonna have to wait a whole nother week before I can go to the ONE place where I don't feel like I'm masking as much as usual. Or at least where masking is easier than usual. And now this ENTIRE WEEK is gonna just be waiting. It's all just filler episodes while I await the episode that finally is enjoyable to watch. The whole week has no meaning because it's just waiting

Everything I do is waiting, it's all just biding my time until SOMETHING happens. Time is meaningless and I wish I could just skip ahead to the parts that I'm waiting for

And I wish there was SOMETHING that could make me feel better but I have no idea what would even help. Venting helps a little but only as a temporary thing, even writing this is just a way to pass time

I hate the concept of time I hate it so much I wish it didn't exist

And aside from all the bigger stuff that made today awful there were also just a whole ton of littler things. I was almost late for school and only at a banana and granola bar for breakfast, my binder smells like sweat and I had to wear a tight sports bra instead which is not very comfortable, I made the pieces too big for the board game I'm making in my game theory class and I'm not able to just 3d print them again and I'll have to either make a giant board or find an entirely different way of making the pieces, there was a fire drill during my favorite class, and my period started today because OF COURSE IT DID, everything went wrong, just another thing to add to the list

But I feel really dumb because this isn't half as bad as my brain is making it seem. Like, okay, my writing group got cancelled? Not having writing group isn't any different from yesterday or the day before?? And I'm just overreacting and I feel stupid for that

I hate everything so much right now

And like. I'm fine. I know I always say that but really, I'm fine. I'm the same amount of "fine" as yesterday. It's just that now the definition of "fine" is a bit less than it used to be and "normal" is slightly worse because I have longer to wait

I just need to find something to pass the time but that's hard too because I can't find my clay so I can't make the things I need for a bracelet I wanna make so I can't do that, I'd need to come up with a new idea that doesn't involve custom sculpted pieces but I can't think of anything because honestly I just wanna make ones with custom pieces,,, so now I have nothing to do except maybe binge fanfiction but honestly I'm getting bored of that, id have to find a new fic to read and it's pretty hard for me to find fluff that I like cuz I'm really picky with fluff a lot more than I am with angst but rn all I wanna read is fluff

Honestly the thing is this is all on me. I'm the one who's super picky about fics and what bracelets I wanna make and I'm the one who lost my clay and I'm the one who beats myself up over the concept of time and I'm the one who still can't get over something that happened months ago and I'm just overreacting to everything

I'm so sorry for typing so much

This post got really long...

Just ignore me, I'll be ok. Nobody should waste their time reading all that

[pollymorgan]

Oh my God, how embarrassing... I did it and translated my German fanfiction into English... into bad English! Don't be too harsh on me, but rather make suggestions for improvement: So now a little phone sex with Coach Negan. 🙈😌

Warnings: arrogant Negan, frustrated woman, explicit phone sex

Today is one of those days again, where nothing seems to work as it should. Just like so often lately. Why couldn't I transfer those damn photos to the laptop? I've never been very tech-savvy, but the modern world practically forced me to. I'm actually a cookbook author and used to be quite successful with it. Some of my books were bestsellers and I even had my own cooking segment on a nationally broadcasted morning show. But then I was suddenly replaced by a younger, "cooler" colleague and ever since then, I've been struggling to keep afloat with social media, more or less. If only the technology would cooperate..

Even in my personal life, I have been replaced. Four months ago, my husband left us. By us, I mean my three children and me. After 19 years of marriage. But love goes where it goes, right? Nothing can be done against that. At least, those were his words when he got into his Porsche with a blonde woman who could be his daughter and disappeared.

Since then, he has managed to do something with his children exactly twice. But in exchange, he has already disappointed them seven times by canceling the meetings at short notice. Yes, I'm keeping count. At least for now.

My oldest daughter Penny is 15 years old and fully immersed in puberty, and it seems that this situation is hardest on her. She and her father were always a unit, his little princess. But there's no trace of that at the moment. Most of the time, he doesn't even bother to answer his damn phone when she tries to reach him.

I see her suffering. She's lost interest in school, and her circle of friends is dwindling visibly. I would love to help her, but how? At the moment, I just can't seem to reach her. Our communication mostly consists of doors slamming.

But back to my current problem. These damn pictures! The article is supposed to go online today. I cooked an Indian dish and had to drive halfway across town to get these damn spices. Thursdays always bring an international post, and now, of all times, nothing is working again. My laptop doesn't recognize the memory card, and the camera won't connect either. I keep plugging and unplugging the cable, hoping the error will magically resolve. Which of course it doesn't. Suddenly, I glance at the small display in the lower right-hand corner. Damn it! So late. I won't be picking up the kids on time again, the second time this cursed week. Annoyed, I close the screen. Grabbing my purse, I walk quickly to the garage. Where's the damn car key? Nervously, I rummage through my chaotic bag, spilling half of its contents on the floor. Finally finding it, I get into the car and speed out of the driveway.

The first stop is the kindergarten to pick up my youngest. She's a real bundle of nerves, but so sweet that you can forgive her anything. Of course, she throws a tantrum right at pickup. It's a real struggle to get her into the car. Like a madwoman, I drive on to the elementary school to pick up my 9-year-old son. He is the calm one in our family and thankfully waits with his best friend relaxed in front of the school. At least one who's not mad at me. Lucky me. And off we go, heading to my daughter's high school. From a distance, I can see her and immediately know that - once again - something is wrong. She stands all alone and pretty annoyed on the street, looking out for me. When I park the car right in front of her feet, she angrily drops onto the passenger seat.

"Penny, I can explain, you know what a loser I am when it comes to technology..." I try to justify myself.

My eldest rolls her eyes in annoyance. "Mum, this time, for once, it's not your fault..." I see tears forming in the corners of her eyes, and automatically, I feel a lump in my throat.

"Mister Smith... he..."

She doesn't need to continue speaking; just hearing that name fills me with such anger again. Right from the start, there have been issues with her physical education teacher, Negan Smith.

I've only seen him twice so far, at parent-teacher conferences, but Penny's stories are enough for me to know that he's an absolute failure as a teacher. He has his favorites whom he praises to the skies, while the less athletic students suffer under his authoritarian ways. My daughter already feels uncomfortable in her own skin, and that jerk doesn't even realize the impact his remarks have on the young girls.

A few years ago, his wife passed away from cancer. A terrible tragedy, but apparently that did not make him more empathetic; quite the opposite.

I'm currently looking in the rearview mirror to avoid hitting anyone in the chaos outside the school. That's all I need on this crappy day. Then I catch sight of none other than Penny's physical education teacher.

"Isn't that him?" I ask excitedly.

My daughter buries her face even further into the backpack in her lap. "Yes, Mom, it's okay, please just drive..."

The anger that had been building up recently had just found a good release.

With the words "Nothing is good...", I yank open my driver's door and head purposefully towards my daughter's physical education teacher, who is just stowing his bag in his car.

"Who do you think you are?" I stand behind him with arms crossed, eagerly awaiting his reaction.

Confused, he turns around to face me and suddenly a big grin spreads across his face. "Negan Smith, nice to meet you, and who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?"

What a cocky jerk!

"The mother of a rather offended young girl, because of you..."

Can't he just drop his arrogant smile for once? Quite unimpressed, he closes the door of his car.

"Penny has so much potential and she's wasting it on the damn bench..."

Such an idiot, he clearly knows who I am.

"Maybe you should listen to the young students as well, instead of just spouting off random remarks at them?"

Amused, he shakes his head. "I did... her excuse for skipping today's P.E. class was menstrual cramps..."

"And in your opinion that's not a valid reason or what? How dare you even pass judgment on that? Your students' bodies are going through changes and such discomforts should be taken seriously..." I respond a bit too loudly, causing some students to turn towards us.

Resigned, he raises his hands. "Of course, but not every damn other week. Maybe you should give your daughter some biology lessons again and explain to her that her P.E. teacher isn't completely from another planet."

Oh God, what does this man think he is..

"And you should work on your teaching skills... Otherwise, maybe I should consider contacting the school board!"

„Oh wow, you're actually a bigger drama queen than your dear daughter!".

Did he really just say that? Did he just seriously insult me? My daughter's teacher. I look at him in disbelief, but he just grins.

"And now she's quiet... I really have to go now, but I'm pretty sure we'll meet again soon." With these words, he jumps into his car and drives off.

Completely perplexed, I walk back to my car and am greeted by my daughter with the words "That was soooo embarrassing.."

7 hours later

Finally peace! Why does it always have to be such a struggle to get the kids to bed? Isn't it unfair that you are a thousand times more tired than the dear little ones? What a crappy day! I'm glad to be freshly showered in my bed and finally have some time off. Just me and my phone, no one else. No more whining, arguing, and crying. As much as I sometimes curse technology, I also love being able to connect with people over the internet. It's fun to respond to comments, the direct exchange with like-minded people is the only positive thing about social media. As I scroll through Instagram, I suddenly see comments coming in at a rapid pace. Confused, I open them. From "Do you always look so good when you cook?" to "Can you cook that for me sometime?" to heart emojis, and they all come from the same account. As I read the name, a shock runs through me. Can this be for real? "Coach Negan" is he not only a tactless asshole, but also a real psychopath? Excited, I click on his account, but apart from a profile picture where he is clearly recognizable, there is no further information.

I quickly open the messaging function and type "What is this???" into my phone. It only takes a few seconds and I receive a response.

"I am a fan 😉"

For a while, I stare at the screen, unable to believe what is happening here.

Suddenly, he sends me a picture. I open it and see a photo of me from my highlights, showing me from my post "Valentine's Day." I had cooked a three-course meal and written a pretty cheesy text back then. It's one of my most liked posts.

"Red lipstick suits you. Matches your fiery nature.." he writes.

What does he want to achieve? Did the confrontation before school hurt him so much that he is trying to provoke me? But to be honest, it seems like he's the one giving me a warning. Well, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's that the best defense is a good offense.

"Oh, do you think so? Most men say I look better without wearing anything...I mean, without lipstick, of course.. 😉".

"Are you already in bed?" he asks next. What a bizarre situation? Why does my daughter's teacher want to know where I am? The same teacher who called me a ‚drama queen‘ just a few hours ago.

I keep trying to type a suitable response on my phone and then delete it again. Finally, I write briefly, "Yes, and you?"

"Yes, and I'm studying your profile. Do you realize how crazy you can drive a man with these pictures? Why am I even asking, of course you do. 😉"

The feeling of small electric shocks runs through my body. The whole thing feels strangely forbidden. Maybe what I'm doing here is damn wrong, but right now, the consequences seem pretty irrelevant to me.

"How mean, you can look at my pictures, but you don't have any online yourself."

"That's true, but how about you hear my voice instead?" Attached to this message was his phone number. Okay, this is all moving pretty quickly, in a pretty strange direction. I'm so excited that I can feel my heart pounding wildly in my chest. But what do I have to lose? I haven't felt like this in the last 20 years. Okay, it's a damn bizarre situation, but I'm an adult and single. So I can finally talk to whoever I want. Even with the biggest jerk I've come across lately.

Feeling totally tense, I dial the number and as it rings, it gets even worse. I take a few deep breaths, and suddenly the deep voice on the other end answers with a "What took you so long to decide?" and I can practically feel his grin.

"Well, I had to think for a moment about what would be so sensible about calling my daughter's narcissistic gym teacher in the middle of the night," I say calmly.

"And what would be sensible about that?" he asks with interest.

"I haven't really found a solid reason yet, but maybe you can tell me?"

He thinks for a moment, and I imagine him lying in his bed. A slight tingling sensation spreads in my stomach, which is intensified by his response.

"Well, I can make sure you feel a little better... forget all the everyday crap that's weighing on your pretty shoulders right now."

I briefly close my eyes to focus more on his voice, which really manages to relax me a bit with just that simple sentence.

"And how do you plan to do that?" I ask softly.

"When was the last time you were really well fucked?" As soon as he says it, my lower abdomen tightens, and I automatically press my legs together.

After I take a moment to collect myself, I honestly respond, "That was much too long ago..."

"Oh, poor girl," Negan provocatively replies, but instead of getting upset about it, it triggers completely different feelings in me. "Tell me about what you imagine when you stroke your lonely pussy at night."

I have to swallow briefly to get rid of the extremely dry feeling in my throat.

"I can tell you what I think about when I do it in a moment..." I say softly but firmly.

And his tone changes too. His breathing becomes heavier. "Then tell me, come on," he commands.

"I imagine it's your fingers running over my body and finally sliding my panties to the side and penetrating deep into me..." My cheeks feel like they're glowing. I've never talked like this with anyone before, and now I just did it with a man who is actually a stranger to me.

"Come on, sweetheart... touch yourself for me and tell me if you're wet," he interrupts.

Without thinking, I click on the speaker icon on my display and place the phone next to me on the pillow, then I slide my right hand under my nightgown into my panties and I'm surprised at how aroused I already am, how swollen my clit is, and how sensitive my whole intimate area has become. I sigh softly.

"Fuck, the sweet little sounds you're making... they make my damn cock twitch in my hand with joy..."

Just the thought that he's so aroused by me on the other end sends waves of pleasure through my body.

"I'm already so wet because of you, Negan..." I admit breathlessly.

"You dirty, pretty lady, if I were with you right now, I would slowly penetrate deep into you... you need that now, don't you?"

"Yes!" I can only whisper.

"Okay, now do everything exactly as I tell you, understood?" he demands.

"Yes, please tell me what to do.." I focus solely on his voice, completely tuning out everything else.

"Take off your panties. Use your index and middle fingers to gently stroke over your mons pubis and then slowly over your outer labia, but not more, just right there.."

Immediately, I follow his instructions. The air feels cool on my bare lower abdomen. I feel strangely exposed, even though I am alone in my bedroom, but it's not uncomfortable, quite the opposite. I begin to caress myself gently.

"How does that feel?" his voice breaks the silence again.

"Good, but I want more.." I plead.

"I already knew that.. Bend your legs and spread them wide.. as far as you can.." He gives me a brief moment to comply with his instructions. "Now push your pelvis even further forward.. Imagine I'm between your legs and you want to present me with your beautiful pussy, you would like that, wouldn't you?"

"Yes.." I say and nod vigorously, even though no one can see me.

"Such a good girl.. and now run your index finger through your slit, spread your juices.."

I can't and don't want to hold back my moans now. There is silence for a while at the other end, then I speak heavily.

"Are you also pleasuring your cock for me?" I ask as I continue to touch myself.

"Oh, sweetheart, so your thoughts are currently only about that.." he says snappily. "Yes, I am, and if you keep moaning so sweetly into the phone, it won't be long, so it's time for you to start massaging your clit, but don't be too timid, circle it with two fingers and use some pressure, even if you're very sensitive now, you can take it.."

Oh God, that was exactly what I needed right now. My body felt like in ecstasy and I could feel the orgasm slowly building up.

"Don't come yet," he commanded, and on cue, I immediately removed my fingers from my most sensitive spot.

"Now, bring your knees close to your body!“

"Yes," I replied, completely exhausted. "You're doing it perfectly, how much I would love to see you in this position right now, just the damn thought!" I could clearly hear him softly moaning. This sound made my body twitch with excitement.

"Penetrate yourself with two fingers... nice and slow. Focus entirely on the feeling of stretching your pussy wide... Tell me when you're all the way in!"

"Now," I whispered, already quite spent.

"Then add your ring finger, once you've done that, you can come intensely as a reward, I promise."

Slowly, I press the third finger into me, which initially causes a bittersweet pull, but I'm so wet that it's not a problem.

Without me telling him, Negan knows that I fulfilled his request.

"So perfect, sweetheart! And now, pleasure your clit! Bring yourself to climax and don't hold back any sound, I want to hear every sweet noise from you."

With the first gentle touch, my body twitches like crazy.

"Negan, please come with me," I stammer into the phone.

"Yes, I promise, beautiful," he replies breathlessly.

And these words are enough for me to come as intensely as I haven't in the past years. My thighs tremble uncontrollably and my heart almost jumps out of my chest. My lower abdomen contracts in waves and I can barely breathe. It feels like I am weightless for a few seconds.

"Do you feel good?" he asks after a short pause.

"Perfect.." I reply and can't gather my thoughts yet.

"Okay, then I expect you tomorrow at 3:30 p.m. for a parent-teacher meeting at the school, and, by the way, without panties.. Good night!" After these words, I only hear a beep on the line.

[life-is-unreal]

Watching from afar {Twisted Wonderland x Reader}

(Also published on Wattpad and Quotev, maybe ao3?) (the plot is similar but not the same) (updates=???) (shit grammar)

Prologue 0.1 - Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

"I swear to god, if there's another essay due today." You hissed, tapping away on your computer.

"I can't believe he set three essays without even telling us in class. Like bitch- WHAT THE FUCK THERE'S TWO MORE?"

You threw a slipper across the room, resisting the urge to chuck the computer, "It's expensive, it's expensive... I can't afford shit right now." You muttered, your hand clawing on your scalp.

"Brrrrrrringgggggggg. Briiiiiiiiiiiiing."

The sound of your phone ringing sounded heavenly compared to your ten hour grind on finishing all your essays due tomorrow. 

"Hellllo?"

"Hey Y/N! You wanna go to the amusement park that just opened up near school? By the way, 'no' isn't acceptable. I'm at your house so head down bitch."

"Annnnd she hung up."

You sighed. At least you had a reason to tell your parents on why you failed, you could blame everything on your dearest friend Marie.

"Heeyyyyy Marie." You slipped into the uber, shoving your best friend away as she tried to tackle you into a hug.

"Girlie, you look like those ghosts. Of course, you look as beautiful as ever but still." Marie flicked your forehead.

"Girl. I legit had to do three fucking essays in a day and there's two that I haven't done yet."

"...Wait. I have the same classes as you rightttt?"

You snorted, your half dead expression going away as the smile vanished on Marie's face. What's that saying? Smiles don't disappear, they just move to someone else's face.

"WE HAVE FIVE FUCKING ESSAYS DUE TOMORROW? SCUSE MOI?"

You clamped your hand over her mouth, pushing her down, "Bitch, we're in a fucking uber."

"Keugh, keugh. I mean, I can cancel the ride and send you guys back?" The uber driver said awkwardly.

"Sorry man, it's fine. My parent's have like, no hope on my studies so I'll be fine." Marie muttered, her soul sucked away from her body.

"Um. We're here now?" The uber driver, keeping his eyes straight ahead tapped the window.

"Uh, yeah haha. Uh, Y/N get your ass off. Let's go." Marie laughed awkwardly, pinching you hardly.

"Bitch what the fuck." You whisper-yelled in her ear.

"Shush, this shit awkward as fuck, now pretend you have a stomach ache." Marie elbowed your stomach hardly.

"ASFTEGHWGEU WTF?" You screeched, almost flinging her hand off you when you clutched your stomach in pain.

"Sorry girly pop, take one for the team y'know. SORRY MATE, MY FRIEND HERE SEEMS TO HAVE SOME STOMACHE PROBLEMS! GOTTA DASH!" Marie took hold of your hoodie and almost yeeted you towards the direction of the entrance.

"Bitch you owe me a popsicle." You snarled when the two of you had gotten inside.

"Heeeeey, I bought your ticket! It was hella expensive you know!" She whined, using her puppy eyes.

"I- eugh. Let's go then." The thing about Marie was that although she could be a hella insensitive and bitchy person, she was probably one of the top five best looking people in the school and other than being a bit two-faced she was a person with great personality, that is when she isn't bitchy and overly clingy. 

You and Marie's friendship began when she moved in to your neighborhood and the moment they moved in, it was made very clear that Marie's family was absolutely loaded. The first time you met was in high school. You had moved in a few months prior so the two of you began chatting as the two of you were the only 'new faces'.

Marie's problems shined through quite quickly when the two became more and more popular. You had gotten popular through brains and pretty looks whilst Marie had gotten popular because of her down right stunning looks.

Halfway through the first school year together, Marie had became friends with everyone under the 'popular' tag. You being her one and only "bestie" had hear all her remarks on other people.

"OMG Y/N, you know Sarah? The blondie? Like she's literally sooo toxic to her friends and everyone. Like bitch called me 'bestie' like noooo. Her? To be delulu enough to think that she's my bestie? Fuck no! Why would I want some ugly, stuck up, two faced bitch being my bestie. Girly pop, stick with me more. I don't want people like her bothering me."

"Hey bestiiiieeee. Did you see what happened in the cafeteria today? That new boy. That nerd. No? Eughhhhh, why don't you know any of the latest gossip??? Anyways, he got his ass whooped by one of the upperclassmen because he was talking to ThEiR GiRl. Like how cringgge is that shit?"

You had compared Marie to Regina from Mean Girls before but you decided that it didn't fit Marie that well. Marie was just as popular, just as two faced. But there was one thing for sure, she wasn't a total bitch. 

"Y/N! You wanna hang out today??? Pleeeeeaseee, you know that you're my only bestieeee. Come onnn. Let's go shopping, and yeaaaah I know you're broke and all that but that's why you need a rich bestie right? There you have the all so wonderful and fantastic me!"

"Y/N! Guess what! You know those bitchy girls from Year 12? I called some of my ahem, friends. Don't worry, they won't pick on you any more! Ain't I just succcch a wonderful person. By the way! It's your birthday this week right? I'm bought you that limited edition bag from that store you were eyeing. Uhhh, don't mind the price. You don't need to know about that. Ehe!"

Marie was clingy for sure and she gets angry easily contrary to how she acts in front of the popular people. She never gets angry because of you but you could see when she starts to get annoyed. She always gets annoyed when you hang too close to other people which is probably one of her toxic traits but you were pretty much fine with that as you found that she was fine with most people as long as they don't start calling you "Bestie".

There was also, one thing that Marie entrusted to you, and only you. Her deepest, darkest secret.

"Hey! Y/N! You listening to me?" Marie frowned, flicking your forehead. "You're zoning out again!"

"My baddddd. What you saying again?" You rubbed your fore head. Yeah, Marie's strength was also quite good.

"You wanna go to that mirror thingamajiggy room?"

"The what? Never mind. Let's go." You blinked wearily. 

"Did you actually grind for ten hours for those essays? It's not- Eugh. You being your top student. Your the fav student, they won't fail you as long you give a good enough reason you know?" Marie ruffled your hair. 

Hmmmm. Marie grew a few centimeters again. You sighed, you and your unmoving height.

You let the taller girl drag you through the crowd until you've reached the Hall of Mirrors, or as Marie calls it, the "mirror thingamajiggy room".

"Y/N girly pop. Stay here for a second. I think I saw those ice cream trucks nearby, I'll get some scoops, don't wander off like you always do. I'm not finding you for two hours again like what happened last year." Marie tapped your forehead. "You listening? I- Why do I even bother?" She rubbed her temples. "Stay put!" she called out, jogging towards the ice cream truck as she was hidden by the flowing visitors.

"What did she say?" You muttered. You removed your blue tooth headphones.

"Whatever, she probably went to the toilet or something." You raised your eyes, glancing at the entrance. For some reason, there was a smaller tent that had no queues next to the gigantic crowd going to the Hall of Mirrors.

You glanced weirdly at the bustling crowd. "They all blind or smth?"

Looking down at the weight that was leaning on your leg you rolled your eyes, "Marie really left her bag for me to carry." You slung her tote on your shoulder before trudging towards the little tent that was pretty much hidden in the shadows.

"Cold nights be like." You grumbled in annoyance, "What the hell did she put in her bag for it to be this heavy man? Gold?"

Ah, my lovely Lord,

"Sound effects? Seriously man?" You raised your brows as you entered the tent.

The noble and beautiful flower of evil,

You are the most beautiful, number one in this world.

"Whyyyyy. Thank you." You yawned sleepily. "Why am I here again?"

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the most..."

"For thee, guided by the Mirror of Darkness," You read off from the plaque in front of the mirror in the center.

Follow thy heart and take the hand of the one reflected in the mirror.

"Yoooo, these effects are kinda cool." You leaned forward, seeing black mist forming in the mirror.

Flames that turn even stars into ashes,

Ice that imprison even time,

Great tree that swallow even the sky,

"How poetic. I would applaud if this was in English class."

Don't be afraid of the power of darkness,

Come now, show your power.

Mine, theirs, and yours,

Your brows furrowed slightly as you felt yourself walking towards the largest mirror.

"Am I so sleepy that my brain and my body ain't working together. I've done that before I mean..." You wondered out loud.

There's only little time left for us.

Do not let go of that hand, at all costs.

Your sleepy eyes widened when your hand, completely out of control, started to reach for the hand that was appearing in the mirror.

"Marie? Are you doing this shit?" You screamed, at this volume, people outside would surely hear you and start rushing in right?

"Marie?" Your voice faltered.

"I- should've waited for Marie..." You whispered, your consciousness fading away as the hand in the mirror grasped yours...

"Marie...find...me"

To be continued...

[ben243s-transformation-stories]

A harmless prank

Ah, you’ve got to love our educational system. School was canceled because of a teachers strike. They claimed they were striking for better pay, or training or some other such nonsense that was supposed to make out lives as students better. Of course, most of the time actually being in school and learning would have been better than sitting around at home goofing off. But it’s all for the kids. Yeah right.

So anyway, I had nothing better to do with my day than hang out with my friends and get into mischief. Everyone should know it’s never a good idea to leave teenagers unattended for long periods, but my parents didn’t have the luxury of taking off every time the teachers decided to go out on strike

I had just spent the morning with my friends, and was feeling kind of amped up and was in the mood to see what kinds of things I could get away with.

The area of town I lived in was fairly quiet and rural. There weren’t really any good places to go, or even a mall to hang out in, so I found myself lying on my bed tossing a ball in the air while i tried to come up with some kind of plan.

I was never one to get into too much trouble, and generally stuck to the rules. Today, though, something must have been in the air because I was especially restless and ready to see how far I could push my luck.

I couldn’t think of anything else to do, so I decided to have a little fun online and started searching for interesting websites. I scrolled for nearly half an hour before one finally caught my eye.

I’m not entirely sure what drew me to it, but I landed on my city’s government website. I had never really had cause to browse it before, and I was amazed by how many options it had, and the array of things that you could do totally online. Most would have taken the full day to do in person, but could be completed in minuets on the new site.

I couldn’t help but be amazed as I scrolled through the options. I stared to get a seed of an idea forming in my head. I should pick something and fill out the form and see what I could get to happen. At the very least I would waste some bureaucrats time, At best I could maybe cause some huge scene with the police or fire department. A grin spread across my face.

I browsed the site for a while longer, but nothing really met my requirements for my masterplan to cause havoc. Most of the options were fairly mundane and boring. Nothing worthy of my time. Except………

I clicked on the link for their new online pet registration page. Something felt right. This was the page I had been looking for. I decided to set my plan into action, Granted it wasn’t well thought out, but hey what do you expect from a bored 14 year old boy?

I brought up and read through the forms. Nothing too complicated just basic details. it looked straight forward enough. I started entering my real details in the fields, age, height, weight, etc. I even listing my parents as my owners, and uploaded my recent school photo. Under species I checked canine, and chose yellow lab for breed. I decided to list my name as the nickname my parents used for me “Sammy”.

I looked over the completed form and smiled. No way they would accept it, and at least it would waste some poor bureaucrats time reading and deleting it. Oh boy, I am such a reprobate now.

Satisfied that I had done something awesome, I clicked submit. A few seconds later I got an email confirmation that the form had been received. I waited a while to see if I would get some error notice, but nothing came. Oh well, maybe they have a lot of submissions to go through.

I gave up and decided to boot up my playstation and catch up on my games. Before I knew it it was time for dinner. After a good meal and little conversation with my parents I headed to my room to watch tv. Before I knew it, I was drifting off and decided to head to bed.

I forgot all about the form until about a week later. My mom had grabbed the mail and brought it into the dining room to read. I noticed the envelope for the one she was reading was from the city, but I didn’t think anything of it until she looked over at me.

“Samuel Benjamin Waldorf?!?!?! What have you done?” She asked me. You know you’re in trouble when they use your full name. I gave her a quizzical look, not exactly sure what she was talking about.

She turned to my father and started to read the letter out loud. “Thank you for submitting your registration for your dog “Sammy”. It has been approved and ….” She read on for some time and rattled of a bunch of legal jargon I had no hope of understanding. The bottom line was that I was now fully registered and classified as a dog in their system.

And to make matters worse,The letter said my “owners” had Just 72 hours to get me the required vaccines and license or there would be fines and penalties. My parents spent a number of those 72 hours yelling at me for being stupid, and how could I do something like that, all the typical parental things.

Once they had calmed down, they found a customer service number, and celled. The person they talked to tried to be patient and polite with them, but had to keep telling my parents that all registrations were final. Defeated my parents discussed what they should do next.

Since the deadline was looming, and there didn’t seem to be any way to resolve the issue quickly, they decided that I should comply with the mandate.

My mom called the vet, and explained what had happened. After a fairly awkward conversation, on both sides I’m sure, I had an appointment for an exam and shots in the morning. I always hated going to the real doctor, and this wasn’t anymore appealing to me. I tried to get some rest, but I kept tossing and turning.

I must have fallen asleep for at least a few hours, because my mom came into my room, shaking me to wake me up and make sure I was ready in time for the appointment. I was still half in a daze, but I managed to throw some clothes on and make it to the car.

My mom drove me to the vet hospital, which we hadn’t been to since our last cat passed away a few years ago. We went inside, and mom told me to grab a seat while she checked me it.

Mom talked to the receptionist, pointed at me a few times, and was given a clipboard with a stack of forms to fill out. She brought them over to where I was sitting, and sat in the chair next to me.

It seemed like it took her hours to fill out the forms. Every once in a while she would ask me for some detail or other she needed for the form. While she worked I idly look around the office. It hadn’t changed much from the last time we had been here.

When she was finally done, mom took the forms back to the desk and we were led back to an exam room. I was told to disrobe and sit on the examining table. I looked at my mother, and she gave me that look that every kid knows means “don’t you dare argue- just do it.” So i quickly stripped out of my clothes and sat on the table. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything as cold as that exam table in my life.

A few minuets later, the vet came in a greeted us. He looked at me as said “this must be Sammy.” The vet spent a few minuets looking over the forms and talking to my mother. it felt a little strange to have my medical history talked about like I wasn’t in the room, but I guess that was standard practice for a Vet. Most of their patients didn’t talk back.

It wasn’t long before he stared the exam. He poked me and prodded me all over. He examined my ears, eyes, and mouth. I tried to keep my privates covered and maintain some modesty, but it was no use. He drew several vials of blood for tests, and even used a rectal thermometer to get a temperature. I never felt so humiliated in all my life.

Remember when I said the table was the coldest thing I’d ever felt? Well it was nothing compared to the stethoscope. He most have kept that thing in a liquid nitrogen freezer. I drew in a sharp breath when he put it on my skin and could barely handle it while he listened to my breathing and heart beat. He even reached down and palpated my testicles.

When he was done, he told my mother everything looked good, and he would let her know when the blood work came back. He, jokingly i hoped, suggested neutering me.

He then proceeded to fill several large syringes full of various vaccines. When he was done, my mother, worrying about me as she always does, asked the vet to include a microchip. I never liked needles and almost fainted at the sight of them.

Luckily the Vet was skilled, and I barely noticed as he plunged each one into my skin and injected the liquid. The vet grabbed the microchip and inserted it under my skin between my shoulder blades.

The Vet filled in all the forms and gave them to his tech, who took them to be entered into the computer. He told my mom we could head up front in a few minuets and his receptionist would have the proof of vaccinations and microchip forms ready for us. She thanked him, and he left so I could get dressed.

When we got to the front, everything was ready for us. My mom paid the bill and received a stack of forms i would need for my license. They event threw in a puppy kit with some food, treats and other essentials for me.

Mom took me back to the car, and had me sit in the back. Something I hadn’t done since i was little. She said it was where dogs belonged.I was still sore and embarrassed by the whole thing, so I didn’t feel like arguing. I hopped into the back seat and just enjoyed the ride home.

Once we got home, I gave my parents the passwords and login I had used on the city website, and they sat down to submit the forms and paperwork to get my license. I will give the site this, it may have its flaws, but it sure made the process easy. It only took them about 15 minuets to get everything entered.

They were even able to print out a temporary confirmation until the official form and tags arrived.

I was now officially licensed and registered as my parents pet dog. I thought the worst of my problems were over. Even if we couldn’t get the registration reversed, what harm could it do? Just renew the license every few years, and i would be good right?

It turns out it could do a lot of harm. What had started out as a joke was having serious consequences. My dad had gotten a call from the school district while I was at the vet. They informed it that since I was no longer classified as a human, I was not eligible to be enrolled in school.

Apparently my registration had spread through the other databases connected to the city system. Now all of my official records, even my birth certificate listed me as a canine. Not only was I licensed and registered as a dog, I was legally classified as one as well.

We sat around the table and had lunch, then my parents sent me to my room while they had a little “talk”. We all know what that means. I was in some serious trouble. I sat in my room trying to overhear what they were saying, but it was no use.

They talked for quite a while before I heard one of them leave. I glanced out my window and saw Mom heading to her car. I wondered where she might be going. I didn’t want to make my Dad angry, so I sat on my bed and watched tv until he called me down.

“Sammy”, he said, “Seems like you have gotten yourself into quite a predicament. Since you seem to want to be a dog, and now thanks to your little prank, you are one legally, your mother and I have decided that your role in the family should shift to that of the family pet.”

I couldn’t believe what i was hearing. Did he actually expect me to live as a dog? Sure I was one. legally, for now anyway. We could have that fixed right? this seemed a little extreme.

I took a look at my father. Every kid knows when it’s not worth arguing because your just going to lose and make things so much worse for yourself. Begrudgingly I gave in and said “OK, if you think thats best.”

Dad looked pleased and said “Good boy. Now lets get you out of those silly clothes” I started removing my clothes slowly, but Dad came over and pulled them off a little roughly. Then my Mom stepped over carrying a few bags. I recognized them from our local pet store. She pulled out a collar and fastened it around my neck. She then attached an Id tag that read “Sammy” with our address and their names as my owners.

My mom produced a dog bed from the bags and placed it in a corner of the living room. She then pulled out a pair of metal dog bowls, showing me that she had engraved my name on them. She took those into the kitchen and told me I would be fed there as long as I was a dog.

She had also purchased a few other things every dog needs, Some toys, and a variety of flavors of food, along with a few other essentials. I could tell they were serious about this and I would be filing the role of family pet for the foreseeable future.

I spent the next few days getting used to walking on all fours, being naked, using the bathroom outside, and being taken for walks. They even used some youtube videos to help them teach me basic tricks.

I wasn’t allowed to see my friends, play video games, or watch tv. I spent a lot of my time outside exploring the back yard and the little wooded area behind it. I was never one to spend a lot of time outside before, but I was oddly fascinated by every little thing I found.

After about a week, I decided that maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. My parents were spending more time with me, and I enjoyed the attention, and much to my surprise I enjoyed being petted. It was certainly better than going to school.

The more time I spent in the role, the more comfortable I became as a dog. I hardly noticed as my thoughts and behaviors started shifting and becoming more dog like. If my parents noticed, they didn’t say anything.

After about a month, I had fully integrated myself into the role of family pet. I was thinking and acting just like another dog most of the time. This role felt so natural to me now and i decided I wanted to remain my parents dog.

One evening I told my parents that they could stop trying to reverse the registration. Little did I know they had given up weeks ago, and had agreed that they were enjoying having me as a dog, and could see how happy it made me. It was settled. I was now permanently the family pet.

My parents packed up all my human belongings and put them into storage, and hey converted my old bedroom into an office. I was kind of sad about that, but I hadn’t been using it. I had been sleeping exclusively on the dog bed in the living room for weeks now.

Over the next few weeks, something amazing happened. I’m not sure how to explain it, but my body started to change. I began to notice my fingernails turning black and getting longer. My fingers started to shorten, and I developed pads on my hands and feet.

I showed my parents what was happening to me, but they didn’t seem concerned in the slightest. They said I was being silly and told me to go play.

The changes made it so much easier for me to walk around on all four. Soon instead of using my knees I was on my hands and feet. Each night I was eager to head to bed so I could see what changes would happen over night.

The next morning I noticed some new changes. I had started to grow in some yellow fuzz over my body, and my ears seemed to be getting longer. My privates changed shape and attached them selves to my stomach in some kind of sheath.

Over the next couple of days, my fur grew in fully to cover my body, and my ears were long enough to flop over, and had moved up a little on my head. Next I noticed a nub of a tail protruding from my spine. My nose also started turning black.

It wasn’t long before I had a full tail that I could swish around when I was happy. I also developed a full muzzle. I caught a glimpse of my self in the mirror, and marveled at how much I looked like a dog. Some of the proportions were wrong, but It was unmistakable. I was becoming the yellow lab I had registered myself as.

One night I tried to sleep but I couldn’t get comfortable. I kept tossing and turning all night, until finally I felt kind of a snap as my ribcage and other bones shifted and made their final changes.

When I awoke in the morning, I made my way to the mirror only to see a fully transformed yellow lab where a human boy had been not that long ago. I stared at my reflection just long enough to watch my eyes fade from blue to brown and the transformation ended.

I was now fully a dog. I was so happy that i raced to find my parents. It wasn’t hard, my new nose was flooding me with all kinds of information. When I walked into the kitchen, my parents stopped what they were doing and looked me up and down. They looked very happy, and said “Good boy, Sammy”

They seemed to think all this was normal, and that I had always been their dog. Hadn’t i though? I was having trouble remembering that i used to be anything other than their pet.

Oh well, it didn’t matter. I was a good boy. I could feel the memories and thoughts of my former life slowly fading away like melting icebergs, but I didn’t care. I knew I was their faithful dog and that was all that was important.

A little later, my former parents attached a leash to my collar and took me for a walk. I loved the explosion of input from my new senses and the feeling of the grass on my feet.

We spent the day playing fetch and going to the dog park. I was loving life. Of course it wasn’t all fun and games. I still had to go to school. Obedience school that is. I was top of the class and learned each new trick quickly.

The other downside is that my former parents decided to neuter me. Oh well. I wasn’t going to be out dating much anyway. And it was for my own good they told me. Sure I believe that one. It wasn’t so bad except for that cone I had to wear. I swear the other dogs were laughing at me.

I never did find out exactly why I transformed, or even why I registered in the first place. Maybe it was the universe trying to fix a mistake. Maybe it was a sinister AI the city has that can somehow manipulate people. Now I’m starting to sound like a conspiracy theory.

Ah well it really doesn’t matter, I am much happier this way than I ever was as a teenage boy, and my parents seem really happy to have me as their pet.

[thefifthnetwork]

Week 21: Spring 95 Season Recap

With the exception of six more episodes of Legend that will air throughout the summer, we've reached the end of the first (partial) season for the two startup networks. Since there's nothing new airing this week, I figured I'd use this recap to give my overall opinions on each of the shows from this inaugural season.

Star Trek: Voyager

I've loosely ranked the rest of the shows from worst to best, but I'm leaving Voyager out of the rankings since it doesn't really feel fair to compare it with the rest. This is primarily because it's the only show I've watched before, but it was also clearly set up better to succeed, as the rest of both networks' inaugural schedules were made up of rejects of the established networks that the startup networks produced on short notice.

That all being said, I really enjoyed rewatching this first season of Voyager. I didn't dislike the show when binge watching it, but watching it at its intended pace made me appreciate it a lot more. I hope this trend continues throughout the rest of Voyager's seven season run.

Best Episode: Eye of the Needle

This is part of a project where I watch The WB and UPN on a 30 year delay. This is crossposted from my website, where you can find an interactive schedule for both networks, including where you can watch these shows today.

9. The Watcher

Is it fair to rank this last having seen only two episodes? [1] Not particularly, but something has to come in last place, and every other show had at least one episode I legitimately enjoyed, and this didn't. The premise of Sir Mix-a-lot's "watcher" character channel surfing through multiple Vegas-set anthology stories maybe had some promise if the stories were good and the structure could connect them in interesting ways, but that didn't happen.

The first episode I watched was confusing to follow due to the way the stories were interleaved, and then the second episode (which separated its stories much more) only made it clear how lacking they all were.

I can't find a concrete source actually announcing the cancellation, but I'm pretty sure this was the first show cancelled, at least internally, as they replaced it with Legend before the last two episodes aired [2].

BestBetter Episode: The Human Condition

8. Unhappily Ever After

Unhappily Ever After is a deeply misanthropic show about a couple in the process of divorcing, their three kids, and the stuffed bunny that the dad imagines talking to him.

It's very much in the vein of Married... with Children and shares one of its co-creators. While I haven't seen it, my understanding is that it [3] was one of the first shows to subvert the typical family sitcom structure with a much more dysfunctional family. Married was a success, but I have to imagine this felt like a pale imitation at the time, and in 2025, there's absolutely nothing novel about the family in a sitcom being dysfunctional.

There are moments of promise in this first season that almost read as attempts to parody the dysfunctional family sitcom as opposed to the way Married parodied the traditional form, but Unhappily plays it straight most of the time, which makes me think I might just be giving it more credit than it deserves. This reading tends to be strongest in the scenes of the kids at school.

The conversations between Jack and the bunny are definitely the worst part of the show for me, so episodes with less of that tend to work better for me. When I don't hate spending time with the characters, it's at least competently done as a sitcom.

Unhappily ended up airing a total of five seasons, so maybe it gets better next year?

Best Episode: Boxing Mr. Floppy

7. Pig Sty

Like Unhappily, Pig Sty is populated with a cast of unlikeable characters - this time a group of twenty-somethings sharing a New York City apartment. Unhappily is also generally the better constructed sitcom. However, while Unhappily presents its characters' misanthropy uncritically, Pig Sty usually agrees that these characters suck and wants us to laugh at their misfortune.

Like all of the non-Voyager UPN shows, this was cancelled after one season.

Best Episode: May I Borrow a Cup of Death

6. The Wayans Bros.

The Wayans Bros. has tended to be the most middle-of-the-road sitcom of this first season. It never actively pissed me off, but I didn't tend to find much special about it either. Shawn and Marlon Wayans are clearly talented comedic performers, but the material they got to work with here was mediocre. The show particularly has a tendency to let bits go on for way too long.

Like Unhappily, this got 5 seasons, so I'm hopeful it finds its footing as it continues.

Best Episode: First Class

5. Platypus Man

Platypus Man stars comedian Richard Jeni playing a version of himself that hosts a cooking show in New York City. After watching the first episode, I described this as "we have Seinfeld at home", and that still feels apt after completing the whole season. There's definitely some duds in this season, but I overall found it worthwhile.

I understand the decision to cancel this after one season, especially since UPN wouldn't have another half-hour show to pair it with for the fall, but I feel like this had some promise if given the chance.

Best Episode: Dying to Live

4. Muscle

I was only able to find one complete episode of this show, so this is probably ranked way higher than it deserves, but it really felt like it had potential.

As a parody of prime time soap operas with a bunch of serialized plots, I imagine it really struggled to find an audience on a brand new network in the era before DVR and online catch-up services, so it makes sense that this was the only WB launch show to be cancelled after its inaugural season.

I really was intrigued by the one episode I could find of this, so if anyone knows of any way to watch the rest of it, please let me know!

3. Marker

I'm not sure quite what it is about Marker that I like so much. This cheesy drama about a man redeeming "markers" handed out by his estranged billionaire father after the latter's death just really worked for me. The book I'm reading for next week's post compares it to Magnum, P.I. and my friend @elimgarakdemocrat compared it to MacGyver, so I might need to check those out to get my fix of this sort of show given Marker was obviously cancelled after one season.

Best Episode: Factor X

2. The Parent 'Hood

While every other sitcom from this inaugural season ranged from bad to mediocre, The Parent 'Hood was remarkably strong. This was probably the hardest show on this list to pick a best episode for because almost every one was good. While I can quibble about a few things (Robert's friend Derek tends to be annoying as character [4]; the younger kids don't do much other than say one-liners and look cute), this is just a really good family sitcom that I look forward to enjoying through its remaining four seasons.

Best Episode: Don't Be Alarmed

1. Legend

Legend was primarily a summer show for UPN, so I'm only halfway through it so far, but based on the first seven episodes, I'm really going to miss this excellent sci-fi western. Richard Dean Anderson as writer Ernest Pratt and John de Lancie as inventor Janos Bartok are both great, and the plots have been reliably fun.

My understanding is that UPN's blanket cancellation of everything but Voyager had more to do with chaos at the network than the quality of the shows themselves, and that's really the only way I can understand this only getting one season.

Best Episode: The Life, Death and Life of Wild Bill Hickok (tentative - I'll update this post if one of the remaining six episodes is better)

Monday May 29, 1995 Star Trek: Voyager S1E07: "Eye of the Needle" - 8 PM on UPN Pig Sty E06: "The Ghost and Mr. Evans" - 9 PM on UPN Platypus Man E06: "New York on $2,000 a Day" - 9:30 PM on UPN Tuesday May 30, 1995 Cop Files SP1: "Special 1" - 8 PM on UPN Cop Files SP2: "Special 2" - 8:30 PM on UPN

P.S. If anyone's curious about these specials, they apparently consisted of various police re-enactments hosted by Richard Roundtree. Seven total specials aired between now and August 1996, but I can't find recordings of any of them.

Marker E07: "Spiked Through the Heart" - 9 PM on UPN Wednesday May 31, 1995 The Wayans Bros. S1E03: "I'm Too Sexy for My Brother" - 8 PM on The WB The Parent 'Hood S1E08: "Byte Me" - 8:30 PM on The WB Unhappily Ever After S1E03: "Jack's First Date" - 9 PM on The WB Unhappily Ever After S1E10: "Mistress Jennie" - 9:30 PM on The WB

Next week, there's once again nothing new to watch, so I'll be talking about the first three chapters of the so-far excellent book Season Finale: The Unexpected Rise & Fall of the WB and UPN.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And a low quality VHS recording of those episodes to boot ↩

Those last two episodes ultimately got burned off in late June. ↩

Alongside fellow early Fox success The Simpsons ↩

From what I can tell from a quick glance at Wikipedia, it looks like Derek is dropped after this first season, so I'm looking forward to that. ↩

[myveryownfanfiction]

18+ MINORS AND THOSE WITHOUT AGE IN BIO DNI

tags: @illiana-mystery

chapter 3

warnings: swearing, divorce, suggestive jokes, Roman makes self deprecating jokes (mostly about his weight), smoking 

I tapped my pencil on the desk, staring at the clock and counting down the seconds until I could go on break. A school tour walked in as the clock chimed and I shot out of my seat. Waving to the other receptionist, I headed towards the employee's only door.

"(Y/N)?" I turned when I heard my name called. Roman waved with a smile and I changed direction. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he lifted me off the ground in a hug.

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you." I whispered. Roman pulled back with a frown. "Bad day. Like really bad. Boss is a jerk. Anyway." I waved it off as I stepped back from him. "What are you doing here?" Roman chuckled and looked behind him. Two little girls were staring at him confused.

"Uh well school trip. I managed to get permission since Kate didn't want to go and they needed one more chaperone or they would cancel." He shrugged, turning back to me. "Figured it would give me some time with my girls." I nodded with a smile.

"I'm happy for you." I said, squeezing his arm. "They'll have fun. Make sure they check out the Ancient Egypt wing. It's really cool. If the girls are as much like me as you say, they'll love it." Roman chuckled.

"Cheap school." He said conspiratorially. "They didn't pay for that." I nodded and looked over at the girls. They stood slightly off from the rest of the kids, watching their dad. "We had to drive the kids down here on our own too. Pay for lunch."

"What time is everyone leaving?" I asked, tearing my eyes away from the girls. Roman smirked.

"Technically, the school says the trip is over in two hours." He said. I nodded, a smile forming. "But they are hosting today as a half day for the kids. They don't have to go back to the school after this."

"So technically speaking you can spend the whole day in the museum if you wanted." I tacked on. Roman nodded. "What are you doing after the tour?" Roman's smirk grew into a smile.

"Nothing." He said. "I have the girls all day. At least until I have to go to work. Then their uncle is going to watch them until Kate can pick them up. But I mean I can call off work if I need to." Roman shrugged. I smiled at him and grabbed his hand.

"Come with me." I said. Roman followed me, checking on the girls and motioning for them to wait a minute. "Hey Shelly. Eric running the school tour?"

"Yep." Shelly answered. "Why? What's up?" She looked at Roman behind me and gave him a small smile.

"When he's done, can you block out some time for me to take Mr. Craig and his girls through whatever they missed? Including the Ancient Egypt wing." I asked. Shelly gave me a look. "Please Shelly. It would mean a lot to me." I let go of Roman's hand to put mine together.

"You know what happened last time." Shelly said. "We both got in trouble." I pouted and leaned over the desk some.

"Come on Shelly. I'll cover you next time you and Eric wanna sneak off." I said. "I'll buy you lunch. I'll pay for your next date. I'll even clean Eric's car. I'll go to one of his gigs. Come on. Please?" Shelly sighed.

"Fine. I'll take the date money and you coming to a gig." Shelly said, typing in the schedule. "But it's your ass on the line. You're never going to get into archives like this kid." I leaned fully over the desk and hugged her, pulling Shelly dangerously close to her computer.

"Oh thank you!" I squealed. "Thank you!" Shelly pried me off her and laughed.

"Alright. Alright." She made a shoo motion at me. "Now go enjoy what's left of your break and I'll let you know when Eric is done." I nodded eagerly and turned back to Roman. He was trying not to laugh as I took his hand again and pulled him away from reception. "You got your hands full with that one Mr. Craig I tell ya!" Shelly called, winking as Roman turned back to look at her.

"You told her about me?" He asked. I nodded, stopping back by the employee door.

"Yeah. Well I mean..." I trailed off. "I don't have many other friends so who was I going to tell about the handsome waiter who was hitting on me?" I shrugged, feeling my cheeks heat up. Roman ducked his head as he blushed.

"Yeah. Well." He chuckled and turned to look at the girls. "I should uh let you get to your break..." Roman looked back at me, cheeks still dusted pink. I nodded and bit my lip.

"Yeah. I'll be at the desk when you guys finish up so..." Roman nodded, glancing at the girls again before smiling at me.

"Ah fuck it." He said, wrapping his arms around my waist. Smiling to myself, I slipped my arms under his and gripped his shoulders. I closed my eyes in bliss as he held me close. "I didn’t want the girls to meet you this way. But I’m glad that they are going to. Doing what you love.” Roman pulled back and cupped my cheeks. I smiled at him and nodded.

“I’ll do my best for a good first impression.” I promised. Roman nodded and leaned in to kiss my forehead.

“I have no doubt you will sweetie.” My cheeks heated up as he gave me another quick hug and ran off to join his girls. He pointed over by me and the girls nodded. Roman waved as Eric led them off and I ducked into the staff room for the last few minutes of my break. After my break, I dived into my work. Eric tapped the top of my computer. I looked up slowly and frowned when he smiled at me, dangling the keys to the ancient Egypt exhibit.

“your cute waiter is waiting for you.” He teased. I rolled my eyes and took the keys from him. “So the kids…”

“don’t bother me.” I said. “Besides mom sounds like a deadbeat. He’s trying his best.”

“hmm so you’re saying if this works out you’re gonna want Shelly and me to hang out a bit more?” Eric added. I gave him a shy smile.

“yeah?” I offered. “Just so they can see a stable relationship and what they should look for.” I said. Eric nodded.

“You two are still in the honeymoon phase.” I nodded. “And you’re worried they might think that’s normal, which it isn’t, or they’re gonna see their mom as…” I nodded, seeing Roman coming over. On either side was a little girl, holding his hands like their lives depended on it.

“thanks Eric.” I squeezed his hand before meeting Roman in the middle of the lobby. “Hi.” I smiled brightly at the girls, watching Roman gently urge them forward. Kneeling down I held out my hands. “I’m (Y/N).” The girls turned to look at Roman and he nodded, a smile on his face. Both girls shook my hand before going to hide behind Roman. He sighed, defeated and shook his head.

“so much for that.” He muttered. Looking at me, his smile returned and he reached down to put his hands on the girls heads. “The one climbing my leg is mara. And the one who thinks she can disappear into my coat is Cara.” Both girls looked up at him, faces scrunched up at being caught. I smiled softly and nodded. “Girls this is the person I told you about. That’s going to give us the tour? That I…” Roman trailed off and looked at me, cheeks turning pink.

“is this the person you keep talking about at the diner?” Cara asked. “The one you think is the most attractive person you’ve ever seen?” Roman turned red before gulping and nodding.

“Yep.” He said. “Even though that was between me and your uncle Chet. This is them.” Mara looked up at me with her eyebrow raised. I bit my lip to stop from laughing. It was like looking at a miniature Roman. The smile had returned to his face as he watched me fight the urge to laugh at him.

“you girls ready to see some cool stuff?” I asked. I held up the keys. “Some mummies and the inside of a tomb perhaps?” The girls perked up and moved away from Roman. I stood up and nodded towards the hallway behind reception. Roman took the girls' hands again and followed me. "So this is all on loan, which means we don't own it. Another museum is letting us borrow it for another week or so." I turned around so I could talk to them while still walking. The girls nodded and I gave them a small smile. I kept my eyes on them as I continued talking. "Some of it will be here permanently since it was donated like the inside of the tomb and a few pieces of jewelry. But those are going to be moved so they don't get sent out by mistake." Roman chuckled.

"That happen before?" He asked. I nodded, pretending to look sheepish.

"Maybe." I said. "Maybe not. I'm not telling. But there's a reason Eric is a tour guide."

"I heard that!" Eric called as he closed the staff door. I sent him a wave and the girls laughed.

"Anyway..." I trailed off as I turned around to unlock the exhibit. "Be very careful girls. From what your dad has told me, there's enough places for the three of us to get in trouble in here. So stick close to me and we'll be just fine." Roman's eyes went wide.

"Uh I think maybe they..." I turned around and gave him a smile.

"It'll be fine Roman. Promise." I said. Roman looked at me then the girls before furrowing his eyebrows.

"I think maybe..." He looked at me again before closing his eyes and nodding. "Alright. You listen to (Y/N) girls. And keep her out of trouble." Gently pushing the girls towards me, Roman took a deep breath. The girls reached for my hands and I smiled a them. I gave Roman a look before entering the exhibit.

"Alright!" I cheered. "So what first? Mummy? Tomb? Jewelry?"

"Mummy!" The girls cheered. I laughed and nodded.

"That's my favorite too." I said. "We've got him in the sarcophagus. But there's a window where you can still see him. And we've got some pictures." We walked over to the sarcophagus and I let go of their hands. Mara tried to jump to see into the window while Cara turned to look at the pictures. Roman stepped up and picked up Mara. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned forward to get a better look.

“(Y/N)?” Cara called. I looked at Roman and he nodded, smiling at Mara as she pointed at something in the window. I walked over and knelt down by Cara. “This picture…” she pointed in front of her. “Why are there things sticking out of him?” I looked over at Roman and he raised his eyebrows. There was a smile on his face as he looked at me. I bit my lip and opened my mouth before closing it. Roman nodded at me and I took a deep breath.

“well uh that’s because they’re…” I chewed on my lip, trying to think of a way to explain mummification to her. Roman laughed and turned back to the mummy with Mara. They started talking as I shot him a glare I knew he could see in the reflection. “Well. When someone chose to become a mummy…uh…Roman help me out.” I turned towards him and frowned. Roman chuckled as he put Mara down and walked over.

“they ripped their guts out and put them in jars.” Roman shrugged. My eyes went wide and the girls nodded, walking off to look at the jars in question. “I’ve always just been up front with them. Kate didn’t like it but they are smart for their age so…” he shrugged again.

“I mean…” I stood up and blinked at him. “It’s not so much that you just flat out told them. It’s more…” I looked over at them, happily inspecting the fake jars we had on display. “You don’t hide much from them do you?” I asked, turning back to Roman with a smile. He shook his head.

“not really. I mean I hid you for a bit. But apparently not well.” Roman agreed. “And hey, I’m sorry for barging in. I had a chance and I took it. It slipped my mind you worked here. I got so excited…” I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

“Roman, I understand. More than you think.” I said, patting his chest. “They’re worth it.” Roman blushed.

“thank you.” He whispered. He took my hand and squeezed. “And if you want to just meet up at the apartment I can still take you to dinner tonight. After Kate picks up the girls.” Roman looked so hopefully that I could help but smile.

“of course.” I said, squeezing his hand back. “I can’t wait.”

[softsky-daily]

3/15/2025

Cutting right through the heart of the sky.

Positive thing: I got to meet up with friends and treated myself to more sushi and boba.

I'm catsitting a few days next week since my friends are going on a trip, so I went over today to do a run-through of what I'd need to do. Luckily I've been a catsitter before, and their cat is super low maintenance and a big sweetie so I'm sure it'll go well. I can't wait to give her more chin scritches.

After doing that and then running Conversation Table I decided to treat myself to herald the beginning of spring break, so my roommate friend and I went out to sushi and then boba. It was really nice to just feel free for once. When we were done we had to do a lot of shopping though, mostly for random house stuff like a drill and hairdryer and curtain rod. And after that I went home and wished my partner happy birthday, and unfortunately then remembered I needed to finish my therapy notes from yesterday so I spent some time doing that...

So yeah. Lots of stuff. While we were out sitting in my car drinking our boba, my friend mentioned that she really admired how I could do so much and still have energy. She said she had no idea how I could do it - waking up early to help move stuff, or driving friends places when they don't have a ride, checking in on people, and still doing the usuals like work, internship, class, and volunteering. Honestly, I don't really know how I manage either. It sounds insane from an outsider perspective even to myself. Maybe part of it is coping. If I'm active all the time, helping others or keeping busy, I don't have to focus on myself and all the messy emotions that come up when things get quiet. But I think also part of it is that helping people is just what I want to do. I won't say it takes zero energy, because everything takes energy for me, but it hardly ever feels misplaced or wasted. So unless I really overdo it, it feels worth it to me regardless of the energy cost.

I also have gotten better at balancing everything. Definitely nowhere near perfect since I am in a constant state of being a few steps away from burning out, but that's mostly the grad school talking. I'm much better than I was the last few semesters at the very least. That shit sucked.

Anyway, I'm considering canceling the lunch plans I have tomorrow to sleep in, but we'll see how that goes. I really do want to hang out with this friend since we've kept missing each other due to schedules not aligning. But also - I am so tired out after this week. I want to not worry about waking up on time for once.

[stuft]

yadda yadda blahblahblah

I can't believe it's already Tuesday afternoon. Another unmotivated start to the week. Yesterday I mostly read and played on the computer but I also dug up some ferns to bring to YBM the next time I see her.

Even when I am feeling super lazy and it gets to a time of the day where I realize I'm not going anywhere and probably not going to accomplish much, I try to do a couple little things that need to be done but don't make much of a difference in regards to clutter or cleaning.

Today for my Good Deed For Friend I printed out stuff for my neighbor, 12 pages worth. I was grumbling about it bc the document was 36 but when I asked her about it she said no it's these 12. And her husband is the one who does stuff to help me out around my house here and there, so I don't begrudge them some print jobs, and she is always very grateful.

Then I just refilled the salt shaker, and looked through my spices and decided to make my own refill of the Trader Joe's Garlic Salt Grinder, but first I had to clean it out bc the little that was left in there was gummed up. I need some minced dried garlic which I will try to get tomorrow, but it also has some minced dried onion and parsley in it so blah blah blah. I will finish making that and put it in tomorrow when the grinder should be dried and I have procured the garlic. Anyway, that's the type of stupid shit I like to do instead of the real work.

I also called my dentist bc I was supposed to go in Feb or March when I was away so when I'd rescheduled in January the earliest they had was October 2nd. So today I asked for cancellations and lo and behold they had 2 appointments tomorrow afternoon so I am going at 2 tomorrow. Then of course I brushed my teeth immediately afterwards, then I cleaned the sink, and even got some of the scuzzy gunk out of the drain.

I also looked up some prices of books on eBay because I was going to bring them over to the used book store but they don't give you much for them. Last time what they took of mine they offered me $7 cash or $14 credit, and I stupidly took the credit, of which I still have some left. The idea was to get rid of books, not get rid of some and get a few more. Because I can get more any day at a Lil Free Liberry. So I figure with media mail being pretty cheap (or it used to be...), if I can sell a few books and make $30 or $40 it's worth it, and the rest I will drop off at a LFL, which is what I usually do, but now with 0 income I figure I should at least make a little gas money, for my car which has been sitting in my driveway unmoved for a week or more. I have a few nice nearly new books I don't really need to keep I figure I could get a few dollars for.

Every once in a while when I am bored/more like procrastinating I go back to playing computer solitaire games so that's where I am at now. After reacquainting myself with freecell and spider solitaire, I learned or relearned how to play scorpion, wasp, and Yukon solitaire. Those are hard, I am getting the hang of it but have not developed any strategy. I'm just racing the clock and trying to win the game. Or trying to win and racing the clock, in that order.

anyway. It's mid May and I really need to step it up.

I haven't heard back from my German class friend who might need a cat sitter. I'm concerned her dad isn't doing well. She had come back here to visit him and see what his diagnosis is (I don't know any specifics) and then she is supposed to take the next level German test this Friday. I'd messaged her last week just to check in and wish her and her family well and good luck on the exam. I guess she saw it, but I haven't heard back. Which, for my own concerns, the cat sitting gig, is fine, because I want to go back no matter what, I've decided, do more school and apply for a 6 month visa. BUT if she still wants me to catsit, I'd already kind of agreed to do that but I have to make plans one way or the other, and if I go back on my own I need to procure accommodations or else live at the school again, but if I have to apply for this visa, that might take some doing and I can't make appointments if I'm in school. so, whatever I just need to keep it in the forefront of my mind/schedule bc time is fucking flying and speaking of flying I will also need to procure an airline ticket. But I should also pretend like I have my ticket and need to get my house in order. Instead I am reading, playing games, and posting brain dump bullshit on the internet!

Oh I also hung my vintage outside thermometer featuring a groundhog, from a Pennsylvania Dutch (German) Lodge!

[pebbleduniverse]

sitting in my bedroom reading

posts on bright screens with bleary eyes

blinking away spots and

wishing i could blink away the words replaying

in my head i need

a break really i need to

be allowed a moment and

i need to be allowed to breathe

if only the world worked better in those ways

i just didn't do my homework today i

didn't feel like it

instead i went through and fixed up old pictures

on my computer that i'm proud of taking and

watched a movie on the tiny screen of my tablet and

sat in my room at my desk and tried to take a moment

at least i got something done even if it wasn't

something that productive i just

need a break need acceptance need a world that

isn't so rude with absolutely no reason can't

people just live and i

can't do anything about it except write

poems lacking punctuation

to represent the neverending feeling of never getting a break

never that's the thing they always tell us we'll

never be i guess i wonder

if they say it enough will it cancel itself out will it

start being always as in

we always deserve to be ourselves we always

deserve to exist and feel and breathe and live and can't we

just be free for once for once all these

teenagers are burnt out and want to escape i

wonder why is it so hard for them to see this why

can't anyone just see us we

make sense if you're actually looking at facts and not

fallacies spewed across and out by people who know nothing but

how to hate senselessly and unendingly we just have to

create our own futures and our own worlds i guess after

all what else is there to do when we don't have much power to

change things otherwise

i just allowed myself a breath but

even though for a second I had peace it's

started up again neverending

no i don't care that that word isn't

one word it's two what

makes you think i care about something like that at a time like this although

isn't it better sometimes to think on things you can control like grammar and spelling and

the speed you walk at in the hallways at school

instead of fretting about how

the existence of so many people has

somehow turned into an issue you can only talk about when

it's being debated in court or

by the people with all the controlling and hateful power

i took another breath i took several and

it felt good but i still can't stop how

do we deal with this by

writing poems for one i guess this

is turning into lots of i guesses it's time for something i know

this poem will never be finished it's

the marching movement of everrebellious life moving on and

no i don't care that that's also not a word i have

other things to think about at a time like this

like how nice it is to write poems on rough notebook paper and

flip through the pages and feel fulfilled and

how nice it is to step on snow outside and

how calm that one class period is and

how nice these blankets feel and

how amazing the feeling of making art is and

how beautiful it is that we're still living and

how incredible it is that we're still existing and thriving in the face of hate i

won't let that be the last word of this poem I'll

end it with create

[frenchcoffeebreak]

April 24th, 2025 - Mandarin chinese learning

Today I started off the day watching a chinese postgrad vlog just to pass time because I was feeling a bit anxious and wanted to watch something on YouTube. Obviously I couldn't understand anything but I don't think that's in vain at all since I'm slowly getting used to the rhythm and sounds of the language.

I didn't do anything else because I had classes today but for some reason our teacher keeps cancelling our lessons...? Like, out of 5 classes we've had 2 of them cancelled out of nowhere and with no reasoning behind it and I just find it a bit weird because this isn't like an individual tutor or anything but an actual school, just online. The payment is done by month, not counting each session, too, so I expected each week to be a lesson and that's how it's actually supposed to go. This time I went two weeks without lessons so I was super confused because I completely forgot where we left it at even though I did practice at home these past few days.

I don't think I'm gonna keep receiving lessons, not under this school at least. I just paid for classes because I felt a bit depressed and couldn't get started. I could spend that money on another activity that I can do in a physical place and not at home, which would be better for my brain.

[amar-bell]

I ALWAYS COME BACK CHAPTER 9

Gregory jerked out of bed, sweat running down his entire body as he gasped for air. He felt relieved. It had only been a nightmare. He ran a hand through his hair as he let out a small exhale. It had only been a nightmare.

His phone buzzed, and he picked it up to see who texted him, and to also check the time since he didn't have an alarm clock anymore (he could thank Cassie for that).

The message was from Cassie. 'You aren't bunking school today Greg. I'm coming over in ten minutes.' The message had been sent half an hour ago.

'I'm so dead aren't I?'

"GREGORY RAMIREZ!"

'Yup.. I'm dead..'

The door burst open, Cassie walked in, hands on her hip, Vanessa close behind. "I tried to calm her down-" "NOPE." Cassie moved over to him and grabbed his hand in an attempt to drag him off the bed. "I'm done seeing you mope. Done I say! You and I are leaving the house today, and that's final." "I'm not going to school today." "Today is Sunday doofus." "Well, I refuse to leave the house!" "I'm not giving you a choice in the matter!"

Cassie yanked his arm and sent the two of them tumbling to the floor, Cassie on the bottom and Gregory on top. The brunette blushed visibly, giving him a wide-eyed look, while Gregory was sure his face most definitely resembled a tomato. His heart was pounding in his chest, he could feel Cassie's breath on his face and her lips were so close he just wanted to kiss it oh lord-

"So like, when's the wedding?" Gregory was sure he was going to go-kart Roxy in the face for Christmas this year. He groaned quietly and got off of the girl, who was fiddling with her brown hair.

He looked at the doorway where Vanessa, Freddy, and Roxy were laughing, Ness and Freddy had the decency to hide their faces at least, Roxy lacked that entirely.

"We're going out to the zoo." Cassie suddenly declared. "We're going out to the zoo. Period." "Cassie seriously-" "NOPE. WE'RE GOING. PERIOD." "So it's a date?" Roxy asked from the doorway. Cassie simply hid her face and left the room, closely followed by a giggling Roxxanne Wolf.

"Yeah, it's a date," Vanessa said smugly. "Something you'll never get unless you pluck up some damn courage Mom." Luis had never ended up coming the day Cassie came over, Vanessa had canceled the meet-up with him and had never called him back since.

Vanessa flushed as well, before leaving the room with Freddy, leaving a very flustered Gregory behind.

~

"Gregory, come on. She's been waiting for an hour! Certainly picking an outfit can't be that hard?" "How would you know?! You've never been on a date!"

Roxy snickered from outside his bedroom door. "Two comments on Vanessa's dating life, back to back? Someone's in a bad mood."

Gregory wondered which go-kart would be the most optimum choice to break Roxy's face.

"Ugh! Greg, just hurry up!" Vanessa called out, groaning at his indecisiveness. He sighed and looked at the shirts he had laid out, it seemed like he had every color of the rainbow, except purple. (Vanessa had banned purple from this household).

Eventually, he chose a light blue shirt with some dark jeans, paired with a similarly colored jacket. It seemed casual for a trip to the zoo.

Finally, after brushing out his hair, he left the bedroom and went downstairs. Cassie was waiting in the living room, listening to something Freddy was explaining, (who knows, maybe he's explaining to her about fountains).

When she saw him, Cassie stood up and grabbed his arm. "Come on! Let's go!" "Wait! I didn't eat anything-" "We'll eat breakfast outside! Now let's go."

The door shut with a loud BANG.

-

They had stopped at a burger store, after debating for twenty minutes on where to go. They had seen a pizza parlor, but both of them agreed that that was the last place they wanted to go.

Cassie had got some money from her parents to buy some food for herself and Gregory, and so they sat down on a bench together and ate peacefully.

"I've got the whole day planned out. We're going to spend some time at the zoo, and then go to the store to get groceries on Vanessa's request, and then come back home and do homework, because I know you have a lot of backlog." Cassie rambled after finishing her food and tossing the container in a bin.

"When you're sure you're going to die sometime soon, the last thing you have on your mind is homework, Cassie."

"We aren't going to die! We'll find a way out. I'm sure." Cassie stated firmly, before getting up and pulling Gregory up with her.

"Come on. Let's go." "But I haven't finished eating!" "The walk to the zoo will take us fifteen minutes you can eat on the way Greg."

~

(I'm back from my Hiatus! There will be weekly updates of this story, and the next one will be from Cassie's POV!)

[jewwyfeesh]

Please Teach Me! Ritsu-senpai

Writer: 日日日 (Akira)

Character(s): Suou Tsukasa, Isara Mao, Sakuma Ritsu

Translated by: jewwyfeesh

Disclaimer: I translated this story from the CN version of the game, which means that it has been double translated (JP > CN > EN).

Tsukasa: In addition, I overheard some Classmates saying that their grades really did improve when they asked their seniors to tutor them~ or something… like that…

Season: Summer Location: 2-B Classroom

Tsukasa: Senpai! Kindly teach me how to complete my homework!

Ritsu: Eh… I don’t wanna.

Tsukasa: I would never count on you to teach me anything, Ritsu-senpai!

Eh? That’s weird, is Narukami-senpai not around? Isn’t this 2B’s classroom?

Ritsu: Ah~ Nacchan~? …I think they ran off with Secchan for some modeling job.

The both of them are heading home right after work, so they won’t be coming to Knights’ practice later today.

Tsukasa: E-eh? I guess there’s nothing that can be done since it’s for work, but at the very least I should have been notified!

When you all treat me this way, it makes me feel like I’ll forever be regarded as some mere follower or as if I’m looked down upon by the rest of you!

Ritsu: Huh? Did they not tell you about it?

For you to say that… I think there’s been a misunderstanding~ Because when it comes to reporting, contacting and discussing, Secchan’ll see these through till the very end – even to the point of being a pain in everyone’s necks.

Suu~chan, is there a possibility you forgot to check your SNS?

Tsukasa: Erm… I… don’t think so…?

Aahh… there really is a message in there. “Sorry. Today’s practice is cancelled!”

Uuuu… I had turned off my Smartphone during class earlier on, and didn’t notice it as a result! I can’t believe I’ve made such an oversight!

Ritsu: Though, Secchan’s also in the wrong for telling everyone the day of.

He seems to have been forced to take up modelling again recently… Maybe that’s why he’s a lot busier now?

Back to the topic at hand – you said you wanted some help with your homework, right? What happened?

I’ve also said this multiple times – ‘don’t bring trouble here’.

Suu~chan’s always like this… just like the previous ‘Duel’ and the like~…

Without fail, you’d bring something very unnecessary, something troublesome, and or work over~ to be frank with you, it’s bothering me a lot.

Tsukasa: T-that’s because you seniors haven’t been putting in much effort, that’s why I’ve been running after all of you! If you really want me to say it, Ritsu-senpai, then I think you ought to reflect on yourself!

Mao: Hey~ I don’t know what happened, but stop fighting, you two. Aren't both of you unitmates? Y’all should be getting along.

Tsukasa: Uwah!? Y-you’re Trickstar’s… M-Maa~kun? Senpai?

Mao: It seems like you don’t even remember my name clearly… we are kinda like competitors, so please pay more attention to us…

I’m Trickstar’s Isara Mao, I’ll be in your care~ ♪

Tsukasa: I-I can’t be taking care of you! You all are our enemies! Enemies, I’m telling you!!

Ritsu: Hey… Suu~chan, you’re not allowed to talk to my Maa~kun with that kind of tone.

Tsukasa: W-why did you pull a 180 and scold me? Whose side are you actually on, Ritsu-senpai?!

Ritsu: Huhuhu~ It doesn’t matter when, where, why or how, I’ll forever take Maa~kun’s side… ♪

Mao: Let’s not talk about that for the time being.

Yo Suou, you mentioned something about homework earlier on, right… Which parts are you unsure of? If you don’t mind, I could try to help you out?

Tsukasa: E-eh?? Even though I did come here to request help with my homework…

But I’m not in such a dire state that I’d need to go begging our arch-rivals for assistance!

Mao Hm~ We’re currently not in the midst of a performance, so how about we set that aside for now? After all, we’re senior and junior from the same school~

I’d be more than happy to help you out with your homework.

After all, wasn’t there a story about helping your enemy out by giving them some salt[1]?

Tsukasa: Mhm, I know that story. It’s Bushidō, the way of the warrior [2], and shares some similarities with our Knights’ code of chivalry.

But… mhhghfmmg~…?

Mao: Ahaha, if you’re still that unwilling to have me tutor you, then how about letting Ritchan teach you? He’s pretty smart too.

Tsukasa: Ah? Really?

What a surprise… I’d thought that all of his braincells have already died due to his excessive sleeping habits!

Mao: The reverse is true, actually~ He sleeps the whole day away, which often resulted in him playing truant – but to everyone’s surprise, he was only forced to repeat a grade. So, it’s just proof that his grades are up to standard.

Not only is he an outstanding idol, his grades are good too. Isn’t that right, Ritchan~ ♪

Ritsu: Huhu. Being praised by Maa~kun makes me happy ♪

But please spare me from having to teach anyone anything. Because I think it’s too much trouble, and hence I don’t like it.

Mao: Don’t be like that~ You should take care of your adorable juniors every once in a while.

We ‘Trickstar’ are all from the same year, so I’m kinda envious of people who have juniors to dote on.

Ritsu: Be as it may… it’s because your biggest hobby is taking care of other people, Maa~kun…

But I really can’t find any motivation in myself~ I don’t wanna waste unnecessary effort on Suu~chan…

Mao: ……If you’re going to say that, Ritchan, I’ll end up hating you.

Ritsu: Uuuu… Maa~kun’s about to get angry… Why, though? I didn’t do anything wrong…

It’s all your fault, Suu~chan. Tch…

Okaaay, I got it. Even though I think it’s too troublesome, I’ll tutor you. I’d be really sad if Maa~kun really hated me, after all…

Which parts are you unsure about, Suu~chan? Aren’t you better at studying?

Tsukasa: You are correct. If we’re talking about the first year… I am confident that my grades are on the higher side of the spectrum. However, I am unwilling to stop there, and wish to aim for greater heights.

Because the Suou clan has always used ‘Full Speed Ahead’ as our Motto.

In addition, I overheard some Classmates saying that their grades really did improve when they asked their seniors to tutor them~ or something… like that…

That… Um… How do I say this… Hearing everyone talk about their experiences made me a little envious.

That’s why I, too, decided to be a little shameless and ask my seniors to tutor me.

…So, am I still troubling you, Ritsu-senpai?

Ritsu: Uuu~… Don’t do that~ Don’t look at me with those puppy dog eyes… it’s one of my greatest weaknesses… Ugh… Vampires have so many weak spots, it’s really irritating…

I guess I have no choice. I can’t keep on shoving all of my tasks over to other people, and step up every once in a while.

Though lemme warn you — I’m not as gentle as Secchan, so you’d better do some mental preparation.

Tsukasa: Okay. I can’t wait. I’m sure that my hard work will pay off, and that there’ll be a glorious victory awaiting me at the end of this arduous road!

Please don’t hold back. Teach me sternly, Ritsu-senpai ♪

Translator's notes: [1] The original CN term is "敌人送盐，帮助对手一把", which most likely came from the JP term 「敵に塩を送る」.

"敌人送盐，帮助对手一把" literally translated means "Sending salt to the enemy, giving your opponent a hand" -- it comes from a an anecdote during the Japanes war period, where salt, an important raw material, was in short supply. The TLDR of it was one of the enemies (A), upon seeing that their opponent (B) had their supply of salt cut off and was suffering, decided to send some salt over on the grounds that they (A) would rather defeat their opponent (B) in a righteous manner on the battlefield, rather than forcing them in between a rock and a hard place.

There's a CN article about it here.

[2] Bushidō (武士道, "the way of the warrior") is also known as the Samurai code of chivalry; it is a "moral code concerning concerning samurai attitudes, behavior and lifestyle, formalized in the Edo period (1603–1868)" (wiki), and "promoted the importance of loyalty, honor and martial arts. The Bushido philosophy refers to not fearing death and dying for valor." (MAIKOYA)

[foster-the-world]

Why do I get my hopes up

Remember how I thought they found a special ed provider? Well I was wrong. I signed the authorization form but now there is no start date. Lots of emails, phone calls, no response except "I emailed and haven't heard from them."

Now I have to do the due process hearing tomorrow. I'm glad I had the foresight not to cancel. But I would have prepared a great deal more. Dreading every second of it. Taking unpaid leave off work since I haven't earned leave, yet. Which adds insult to injury.

Also, baby boy had a big outburst yesterday. Knocking over chairs, not listening, etc. He's high energy but this is not normal. He's been doing well in school. Had his parent teacher conference last week- nothing like that mentioned at all. All good reports on his benchmarks - letters, etc. Teacher said "she loved him." A week back she told my husband intelligence wise he's "#1 in the class." Probably not appropriate to say but not bad to hear. Last night we made a big deal out of his bad behavior. Not much we can do but talk to him but we talked a lot. Today we got our first call home about the same bad behavior. He was climbing on the book shelf, running out of the class, threw a milk bottle down. He hasn't done this all year. Nothing at all has changed at home. It's daylight savings time but he still got his normal 12 hours of sleep last night. At a loss for what to do. I told the teacher I could come get him but I'm afraid it would make him do it again. He likes school but his preference is always to be with me. She said they didn't want that. Tonight we tried not mentioning the bad behavior at all. We are wondering if making a big deal out of it somehow perversely makes him do it again. Talking about it certainly didn't help. Not saying its a good idea we just don't know what else to do. He was an angel at home and the playground. Sharing his toys, making new friends, etc, etc.

Emailed the school assistant principal, counselor, teacher, etc. Said we would love to work together to come up with a solution. Cc'd the special ed lady who is supposed to find him providers. Explained in the email they haven't found him providers and hoped that she would provide insight. No response so far. Blah.

If he keeps acting like that at school we will have to pull him out. Its a public school so they can't kick him out (or at least not easily) but we aren't going to let him make his teachers/classmates miserable. They deserve a safe, calm classroom. I guess we would try to find a daytime sitter. We have a few options.

Before that we are thinking we will pay the crazy, insane amount of money for a special ed provider out of pocket if the hearing does not go our way tomorrow. Ten hours per week will cost roughly the same as my take home pay as a full-time nurse. We had talked about paying for four hours - which was more manageable in our budget. But with this kind of behavior that won't be enough. In theory, it will only be for three months.

If I had a really stressful job I would be considering giving it up, if this behavior continues. It seems like a full time job trying to get these services and he could stay home with me until we figure it out. Financially, we could afford for me to stay home another yearish based off the money we made selling our home. However, this job will eventually be a really good job as a parent. There will always be time for me to do some family logistic stuff during the day. At some point I can work from home two days a week. Once sick leave/PTO kicks in I'll have a lot. FMLA benefits are generous. I have a union. In the long run I'm sure I could negotiate time off to figure out his needs if it so requires. Its just a shitty time for all of this to be going down because I only started six weeks ago. Not to mention I want to work. I went to nursing school for a reason. So far, I really like the work. I started trying to get him services last May. How in the world does he still only have a half hour out of the 13 hours he is assigned? Its all so depressing.

[onceuponaloonatic]

misahyo update time! if you haven't caught up on this au, i updated the masterlist for this one (here) so please try to read it in the order it was posted in (at least the misahyo stuff)

tw: anxiety, bullying, anxiety in children

Jihyo sighed as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket again. While she normally tried to be on top of answering her phone, now was absolutely not the time.

“These are our main components of aspects and form when considering sustainable designs, now as you may remember from the assigned reading last night, we have many other considerations in architectural design…” Jihyo willed the persistent buzzing in her pocket. She never really considered herself an overly anxious person, but she could feel her impatience and irritation slowly raising while she lectured. What if her father was hurt? What if Nico had an asthma attack at school? What if Mina was having a bad day? What if Sana was having an anxiety attack? All these thoughts swirled around Jihyo’s mind as she scribbled on the board. Truthfully, lecturing to a class of thirty completely checked out students was about the last place she wanted to be. But, this was her job. And she had to stay on track with her lesson plans.

She just wished the time would go by faster.

Eventually, the buzzing stopped. At first Jihyo was relieved, but that quickly turned to stress as her thoughts got increasingly darker. What if Nico was in the hospital? Her asthma could be quite severe, especially when she was sick. What if her dad was in the hospital? He had no one else to look out for him, and being more than an hour drive away meant that Jihyo wasn’t able to check in on him as much as she would like. What if Mina was pushed to a breaking point? What if Sana was?

Jihyo just wished the words would come out faster, and wished the time would tick by faster. She just wished to be out in the hallway, lecture done for the day, and checking her caller id for whoever was blowing up her phone with calls.

She holds it together through the rest of her lecture, answering questions as best, and as quickly, as she could. The minute Jihyo answers the last question, she starts gathering her stuff. She immediately grabs her phone out of her pocket, and her heart sinks when she notices the calls have all been from Nico’s school. The thought of Nico getting sick, or hurt, or worse just made her feel even worse. Thankfully, she didn’t have any panicked texts from Mina or Sana, but considering they also had classes at the moment, she expected they also hadn’t had the chance to check their phones.

As she’s processing her call history, another call comes through. She immediately answers it, her anxiety peaking as the line connects.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Mrs. Park Jihyo?”

“Yes.”

“Hi, I’m Lee Seungmin from Sunshine preschool, and I’m calling about an incident your daughter Nico was involved in today.” Nico wasn’t normally the type to act out, so Jihyo was confused at the call. “We would like for you or another parent or guardian to come by as soon as possible to come speak about her behavior and to come pick her up.”

“I can come now, but it should take me about twenty minutes to get there.” Jihyo checked her watch. It was almost one in the afternoon, which meant she had another two hours before her next class. She could cancel it, but she did worry about keeping to the course schedule.

“Okay, perfect. Could you also possibly bring Nico a change of clothes?” Jihyo became even more confused with the question, but given Nico’s age, she chalked it up to a simple spill or mess. Thankfully, she kept a spare outfit for Nico in her car. It had come in handy more than once, and keeping extra clothes around was one of those parenting tips she refused to thank Nayeon for.

“Sure. Talk to you later.” After a pleasant greeting from the other end, Jihyo settled her stuff and set out. It was a bit of a hike to get back to her car, and her mind spent the entire time coming up with possible reasons Nico would be in trouble. While normally a little angel, Nico could get quite grumpy when she was woken up too early in the morning or from a nap. She could also get a little grumpy when she wasn’t allowed to play outside. She could also be a bit antisocial if Jihyo was honest. Her teacher had expressed concern over Nico multiple times, saying she was struggling to form friendships in her class, and that she was quite shy for her age. But, Jihyo’s dad told her that her teachers said the same thing about her at Nico’s age, so she tried not to worry about it too much.

The entire drive to Nico’s school, Jihyo thinks about all the scenarios Nico could have gotten herself into. Nico seemed normal that morning, so that ruled out the sick possibility. Nico had never gotten into any fights before, but Jihyo supposed there was a first time for everything. It could be another child's fault, and Nico could have just gotten caught in the crossfire. Jihyo really hoped that was the case.

When she got there, Jihyo's finds anxiety weighing heavier on her than usual. She always tried to be the calm one in these kinds of situations, tried to be the one Mina and Sana could rely on. But truthfully, she was just happy they weren't here to see her at the moment. She was barely holding herself together, and that was a terrifying feeling.

Jihyo gets quickly ushered into Nico’s classroom the minute she gets there. Nico’s teacher is there, but her daughter, and all the other kids for that matter, are suspiciously absent.

“Hello Mrs. Park, please take a seat.” Jihyo nodded at the instruction, sitting at the only other adult sized chair in the room. “I’m sorry to have to call you like this, but unfortunately, there was a bit of an, incident, today.”

“An incident?”

“Well… It all started when Minji took Nico’s stuffed polar bear she brings from home during playtime.” Jihyo immediately knows this story is not going to have a good ending. “And well, Nico did not take kindly to that. So she asked for it back, and when Minji said no, she tried to take it back. I was dealing with another student at the time, so I didn't notice it until it had already escalated a bit, but they got into a bit of a physical altercation. I could tell Nico wasn't the aggressor, well at least she was being less violent than Minji, but she was trying to fight back and she did push Minji to the ground. This led to Minji retaliating and she got a pretty good scratch before I could separate the two of them. After, I had a talk with both girls to see what happened and while I was talking to the office about calling their parents, Nico somehow ended up in the little pool of water we set out for the demo one of the teachers was going to do for the kids today.” Well, at least that explained the extra clothes. “Anyway, I wasn't personally there to witness what happened, and Minji said she didn't do it. Nico didn't say anything either, but she’s been quiet since the incident earlier.”

“Thank you for letting me know. I’m sorry she acted that way, she’s never done anything like that before.”

“I tried to explain to her that pushing people wasn't nice, and if someone was doing something she didn't like it was best to ask an adult for help, but I think in this particular case, Nico just felt cornered.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well Minji has always been a bit… Mean to Nico.” Oh no, Jihyo thinks, did her three and a half year old already have a bully? “It's never been physical before, and I’ve tried to step in when I see it happening, but I’m not watching every single child all the time, so there could be incidents that happen behind my back.”

“Wow okay, she's never mentioned anything about it at home.” Jihyo sighed.

“It's been a somewhat recent shift. Minji is fairly new to the school.” The teacher explained. “I have talked with her one on one about being mean to Nico, but she had never done anything. to warrant parent involvement until today. Even then, the school's policy states that any child that hurts another must be disciplined. And since Nico pushed Minji…”

“Yeah, I understand.” Jihyo sighed. “So I need to take her home?”

“Yes, that's the policy. She can return tomorrow, but please bring her in a little early so I can have a discussion with her and Minji about today.”

“Sure.” Jihyo nodded.

“I would like to talk to her with your present a little bit before you leave. I had her wait in the hallway, all the other kids are at recess at the current moment. Let me go get her.”

“Of course.”

Jihyo was not prepared for how absolutely wrecked Nico appeared when the teacher brought her in. Her clothes were soaked, and she had a little towel wrapped around herself to keep her from dripping all over the ground. Her arm had a large bandage around it, and she refused to even look at Jihyo. Once the teacher sat her down next to Jihyo, Nico buried her face in her towel, absolutely refusing to look up at either adult.

“Nico, can you please tell your mama what you did today?”

“Was bad.” Nico muttered it so quietly, Jihyo was surprised she was able to hear it. Her teacher certainly didn't.

“Nico, can you please look at adults when they are talking to you?” Nico nodded, burying herself further into her towel. Jihyo wasn't sure if it was her mom senses, or just a general understanding of how people act when they are upset, but she was immediately alarmed with Nico’s behavior. Nico had never acted like that, even when she was mad or upset, she never refused to look at them. “Nico…”

“Hey buddy.” Jihyo rested one hand on Nico’s back, whispering to her daughter. Nico was trembling under her hand. Jihyo felt the alarm bells get even louder. “Nico, sweetie, it's okay. We just want to talk.” Nico’s shaking got worse, and Jihyo could hear barely contained sobs from her daughter. “I think it's best if I take her home right now.” Jihyo addressed Nico’s teacher, who seemed to have noticed Nico’s distress.

“Yes, I… Do think that's a good idea.” The teacher nodded. “Nico, we can talk tomorrow.” Nico stayed in her little cocoon while Jihyo went to collect her stuff. Once she had Nico’s belongings, she addressed her daughter.

“Nico, it's time to go home.”

“Don't wanna.” Nico mumbled.

“You don't want to?”

“M’ gonna be in trouble.”

“Well maybe a little bit, but not until you are feeling a little bit better.” Jihyo knew she could just pick Nico up and carry her home, but she was scared that would cause Nico to get even worse. “Right now, I promise you won't be in trouble.” Nico didn't say anything, but opened herself up enough to take Jihyo's hand. Jihyo led her first to the bathroom, changing Nico out of her wet clothes as quickly as possible. She left the towel with the other dirty ones, and when she turned back to Nico she had pulled her sweater over her face. Jihyo didn't say anything more, taking Nico’s hand again and guiding her out of the school. Once they are in the car, Nico curls into her car seat, her sweater still on her face as Jihyo starts off home.

Truthfully, she has no idea how to handle this. Nico being unresponsive was new, and she seemed genuinely terrified of something. Whether that was punishment, or her parents, or Minji, Jihyo wasn't sure.

What she was sure of was that something was very very wrong.

When she gets home, Sana and Mina’s cars are both there. She's surprised to say the least, but she guessed they had also gotten calls from Nico’s school.

“Alright buddy, we're home.” Jihyo unbuckled Nico as best she could, gently picking her up to carry her inside. Nico didn't seem angry about it, but she didn't say anything to Jihyo as she carried her inside.

Mina and Sana are both on the couch, worry spelled across their faces. It only intensifies when they see Jihyo.

“Nico?” Sana ran up to them the minute she spotted them. Jihyo could tell she also sensed something was wrong. Mina was right behind her, her beautiful face marred with worry and dark circles. “What happened? Is she hurt? Why is there a bandage on her arm?”

Nico started shaking again as Sana talked. Jihyo’s heart sinks when she realizes they are at least a partial cause in Nico’s distress.

“She’s going to be okay. There was a little incident at school today.” Jihyo made a mental note to explain the situation more later, when Nico wasn't shaking in her arms. “Nico, you aren't in trouble. You can come out now.”

“No!” Nico buried herself further in her sweater.

“Sweetie, are you scared we are going to be mad at you? Cause we’re not, I promise.” Sana gently rubbed Nico’s arm.

“Nico, we just want to help you feel better.” Jihyo added to Sana’s comment.

“I was a bad girl.” Nico muttered. “I was bad and now mommy mama and ka-san and going to get rid of me.”

“What?” Jihyo feels her heart shatter at Nico’s statement. She absolutely never wanted Nico to feel unwanted, and the fact it was coming from them made it even worse. She watched Sana’s face fall, and she could feel Mina tense next to her. “Nico, we are never going to get rid of you.”

“Yes you are.” Nico muttered. “Mommy, mama, and ka-san have a lot, Auntie Momo told me that you guys are busy and I have to be good, and I wasn’t good. I was bad. So I have to go away.” Nico cried. Jihyo heard her breathing get shallower, and immediately handed Nico’s backpack hanging on her arm to Mina. Mina immediately understood, digging into Nico’s backpack for her inhaler.

“Nico, please take a deep breath. We are not going to get rid of you.” Jihyo gently pulled on Nico’s sweater, trying to get her to pop her head out so she could get more air, but Nico resisted.

“Nico please, just look at us.” Sana rested one hand on Nico’s arm, just trying to comfort her. “We would never get rid of you.” Sana’s tone was extremely serious. Jihyo rarely heard her wife that serious, and she was sure Nico wasn't used to it either.

“Even when I’m bad.”

“Yes Nico, even when you are bad.” Jihyo responded.

“We’ve never even thought about it.” Mina added, holding Nico’s inhaler in one hand, tensing when Nico started coughing. When Jihyo tried to pull Nico’s sweater down a second time, she didn't resist. Her face was a mess of tears, and her breathing was shallow, but Jihyo, and she suspected her wives as well, poured all of their love towards Nico.

“We will never ever in one million years get rid of you.” Sana whispered, gently kissing Nico’s forehead. “We love you so much, we will always, always be here for you.”

“Take some deep breaths okay?” Jihyo whispered as Mina moved closer, Nico’s inhaler in one hand. Nico struggled with her breath, tears trickling down her cheeks. Mina moved Nico’s inhaler closer, and the little girl immediately opened her mouth.

“In.” Mina whispered. Nico did as instructed as Mina used her inhaler. None of them could speak as Nico slowly got a better grip on her breathing. Jihyo didn’t know what to say, what to do. All she really felt like was a failure. As a parent, her main job was making sure Nico was safe, healthy, and knew how loved she was. Jihyo felt like she had failed at that. Here her daughter was, panicking that they were going to get rid of her over some minor dispute.

They were all silent as Nico slowly became even again. Jihyo moved them all over to the couch, rubbing a hand on Nico’s back as she slowly calmed down. Once Nico was calm, she laid against Jihyo, utter exhaustion written all over her face.

“Baby, I know your tired, but we just want to know so we can tell them how wrong they were, who told you we would get rid of you?” Sana whispered as she gently drew circles on Nico’s back.

“Minji was telling us that her brother was bad, so her parents had to get rid of him. And she told me that if I was bad, mommy, mama, and ka-san would want to get rid of me too.” Nico explained. “And since mommy, mama, and ka-san are busy, they don't have time to punish me so they are gonna get rid of me if I’m bad.”

“Oh baby.” Sana had a heartbroken look on her face as she tried to comfort Nico. Jihyo felt just about the same. “We are never ever going to be too busy for you. And we would never want to get rid of you.”

“Never ever?”

“Never ever.” Sana confirmed. Nico nodded, seemingly comforted by the reassurance and she settled into Jihyo’s arm. “Why don't you take a little nap, and we can have katsu curry when you wake up.” Nico nodded, her head resting against Jihyo’s shoulder as her eyes closed. It wasn't long until she was asleep, and Jihyo carefully carried her to her bed. Once Nico was settled into bed, Jihyo gave her a kiss to the forehead before leaving to go talk to her wives.

“That was rough.” Sana was the first one to speak up, her head curled into Jihyo’s side as Jihyo wrapped one of her arms around Sana and the other around Mina.

“Your telling me.” Jihyo muttered.

“I-I had no idea she felt like that.” Mina muttered. “Did we do something wrong to make her feel that way.” Jihyo knew Mina well enough to know the unspoken follow up question to that. Did I do something wrong?

“No, I think this Minji girl was the one who got the idea into her head.” Jihyo reassured.

“It does expose some greater issues though…” Sana trailed off. “Well, first, I think we need to take Nico to a therapist. Her reaction was, rough to say the least. It was like she was terrified of us. And while she's always been a sweet girl, I think she has a fear of punishment in general, like worse than most kids. The second is, we need to spend more time with her. Maybe she would have told us about Minji before if we had been around her more often.” That is easier said than done Jihyo internally added to Sana’s statement. She had spent plenty of time with Nico, and she had never mentioned Minji. But, then spending more time with their child was always going to be a good thing. She just hoped Mina and Sana don't start forcing themselves to spend time with Nico when they aren't emotionally ready.

“I do agree about the therapy.” Jihyo left her thought about spending time with Nico out for the time being. Her feelings were too complicated to talk about that at the current moment. “I can ask Nayeon Unnie who they sent the twins and Zumi to. I know they had a lot of success, especially with Jae. I know they were all around Nico’s age when they started.”

“Sounds good.” Sana cuddled closer to Nico. “And Mitang?” Mina looked at Sana at the question. “You did absolutely nothing wrong. Do not blame yourself for this.” Sana spoke before Jihyo could, and all she did was gently squeeze Mina to show her agreement. Tears came to Mina’s eyes as she cuddled closer to Jihyo. “Thank you…” Mina muttered.

“We love you Mitang.” Sana kissed Mina’s hand, holding it across Jihyo’s stomach.

“I love you too Satang, Hyo.” Jihyo smiled, kissing Mina’s head before Sana whined. Jihyo tried to give her the same, but Sana jerked her head up for a kiss on the lips, though it landed more on her cheek. Sana giggled, before moving for a proper kiss. Jihyo pulled away before she could get her tongue in.

“Hornball.” Jihyo teased. “Nico could wake up at any minute and here you are, trying to slip some tongue into an innocent kiss.”

“Guilty as charged.” Sana had a devilish grin on her face. “You know I can't help myself when you are all dressed up for work.”

“Well, save your horiness for later.” Jihyo gently pinched Sana’s nose, causing Mina to erupt into laughs beside her at the interaction. “We have a special dinner to make for a special girl.”

“Boo, you know I’m banned from the kitchen.” Sana poured. “Mitang you want to come upstairs to help me grab… Something?”

“Nope. Not falling for that one.” Mina grinned at Sana, giggling even more as Sana’s kisses started trailing up her arm. “Hey, come on. I’ll temporarily lift your kitchen ban.”

“Really?” Sana asked excitedly. “I get to help Mitang and HyoHyo cook?”

“As long as you don't call me HyoHyo.” Jihyo muttered. “Come on, we have to hurry if we want to be done by the time she gets up.”

xx

After a nice dinner, and a long night of reassuring Nico how loved she was, Jihyo finds herself alone on the balcony. For all Sana’s bravado earlier, she fell asleep quite quickly after Nico is asleep. Mina wasn't far behind her, and while Jihyo had laid with them as they fell asleep, she found herself unable to join them. It was already late, almost midnight as she sat on the freezing cold balcony bundled in her parka, but looking at the night sky was calming her mind, at least a little bit. She was also calmed by the single can of beer she had brought with. She wasn't one for drinking her sorrows away, but she did enjoy a nice drink from time to time.

Jihyo knew the alcohol was the only chance she had at getting to sleep.

She honestly wasn't sure what possessed her to pick up her phone, but she finds herself holding her phone to her ear while the other line rings. She can feel her nerves building, and half of her is tempted to hang up before the other had a chance to answer, but instead she found herself stuck listening to the ringing sound.

Just as she was about to give up, the line connected.

“Jihyo?” Nayeon's voice was quiet, Jihyo’s guessing she was in bed already. “What could possibly need right now?”

“Hey Unnie, could we possibly meet up tomorrow, to… Talk?” Jihyo tried to convey the seriousness of her tone. Nayeon would understand her. She knew she would.

“Is something wrong?” Nayeon’s voice took on a concerned tone. “Do you need me to come over now?”

“No.” Jihyo sighed. “No, we can do this tomorrow with Jeongyeon Unnie.”

“Okay.” Nayeon seemed reassuring. “Yeah, how about lunch tomorrow? I’ll get Jeongyeon to come.”

“Sounds great.” Jihyo nodded. “I’ll see you then?”

“See you.” As the line disconnected, Jihyo stared at the night sky. She had no idea how much longer they could all last like this, but it seemed like the cracks were already starting to show.